Robert Asprin – Tambu

“What things went against the grain? Just to satisfy my curiosity.”

“Little things, mostly. But things that bother me. Remember the last captains’ meeting? When Egor told us about Whitey getting killed. Part of me-the original me-wanted to get sick when I heard that. I wanted to walk away from the screen and hide for a couple of days-cry, get drunk, anything to ease the pain I felt. I mean, in a lot of ways, Whitey was like the sister I never had. She was patient, critical, supportive-more than a friend to me in every way. When I found out she was dead, and how she died, it hit me hard. So what did I do? I gave her a one-line eulogy and then told everyone her death didn’t matter. That wasn’t me talking, that was Tambu. Our opinions and reactions differed, and his won.”

“But you were trying to make a point,” Ramona argued. “An important point about not fighting the Defense Alliance. Not only was the news of Whitey’s death distracting, it could have undermined your arguments by raising emotions against the Alliance. You should take that into consideration.”

“Should I?” Tambu smiled. “You know that original me I keep talking about? You know what he felt about the whole matter? He was with the captains! He wanted to go out there and smash the bastards in the Alliance and anyone else who dared to take up arms against us. That’s what he wanted, but Tambu wouldn’t allow it, just like he wouldn’t let the captains go off half-cocked. That’s the rest of my problem. I can’t ease off on Tambu, let him develop into what I was originally. The fleet needs Tambu-a cold mind with an eye for the overview. If I let the original me-the one I’m fighting to save-take over the fleet, it would be disastrous. I’ve got to make the choice: either stay with the fleet as Tambu, or save myself and leave.”