A Darkness in my Soul by Dean R. Koontz

against his cheek like someone had told him doctors were

supposed to do when they couldn’t think of anything

intelligent to say.

“You all right, Sim?” Harry asked.

Morsfagen pushed my lawyer/agent/father-figure out of

the way and thrust his bony face down at mine. I could see

hairs crinkling out of his flared nostrils. There were flecks

of spittle on his lips, as if he had been doing a lot of shout-

ing in rage. The dark blue of his close-shaved whiskers

seemed like needles waiting to thrust out of his tight pores.

“What happened? What’s wrong? You don’t get paid with-

out results.”

“I wasn’t prepared for what I found,” I said. “Simple as

that. No need for hysterics.”

“But you were yelling and screaming,” Harry protested,

insinuating himself between the general and myself.

“Not to worry.”

“What did you find that you didn’t expect?” Morsfagen

asked. He was skeptical. I could have cared more, but not

less.

“He hasn’t any conscious mind. It’s a vast pit, and I fell

into it expecting solid ground. Evidently, all his thoughts,

or a great many of them, come from what we would

consider the subconscious.”

Morsfagen stood away. “Then you can’t reach him?”

“I didn’t say that. Now that I know what’s there and

what isn’t, I’ll be all right.”

I struggled to a sitting position, reached out and stopped

the room from swaying. The hex signs settled onto the

walls where they belonged, and the light fixtures even

stopped whirling in erratic circles from wall to wall. I

looked at my watch with the picture of Elliot Gould on

the face, calculated the time, assumed a properly bland

expression, and said. “That’ll be roughly a hundred thou-

sand poscreds. Put it on my earnings sheet, why don’t

you?”

He sputtered. He fumed. He roared. He glowered. He

quoted the Government Rates for Employees. He quoted

the Employer’s Rights Act of 1986, paragraph two,

subparagraph three. He fumed a bit more.

I watched, looking unshaken.

He pranced. He danced. He raved. He ranted. He

demanded to know what I had done to earn any pay what-

soever. I didn’t answer him. He finished ranting. Started

fuming again. In the end, he put it down in the book and

vouchered the payment before pounding on a table in utter

frustration and then leaving the room with a warning to be

on time the following day.

“Don’t push your luck,” Harry advised me later.

“Not my luck, but my weight,” I said.

“He doesn’t take to a subordinate position. He’s a

bastard.”

“I know. That’s why I needle him.”

“When did the masochism arise?”

“Not masochism—my well-known God-syndrome. I was

just passing one of my famous judgments.”

“Look,” he said, “you can quit.”

“We both need the money. Especially me.”

“Maybe there are other things more important than

money.”

Someone pushed us aside as equipment was trundled

out of the hex-painted room.

“More important than money?”

“I’ve heard it said…”

“Not in this world. You’ve heard wrong. Nothing’s

more important when the creditors come. Nothing’s more

important when the choice is to live with cockroaches or

in splendor.”

“Sometimes, I think you’re too cynical,” he said, giving

me one of those fatherly looks, something I inherited

along with his last name.

“What else?” I asked, buttoning my greatcoat.

“It’s all because of what they tried to do to you. You

should forget that. Get out more. Meet people.”

“I have. I don’t like them.”

“There’s an old Irish legend which says——”

“Old Irish legends all say the same thing. Look, Harry,

aside from you, everyone tries to use me. They want me

to spy on their wives to see if they have been laying with

someone else. Or they want me to find hubby’s mistress.

Or I get invited to their cocktail parties so that I can

perform parlor tricks for a batch of drunks. The world

made me cynical, Harry. And it keeps me that way. So, if

we’re both wise, we’ll just sit back and get rich off my

cynicism. Maybe if a psychiatrist made me happy-go-lucky

and at peace with myself, my talent would disappear.”

Before he could reply, I left. When I closed the door

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