YOU ARE HUMAN. BUT YOUR MORES TEACH
YOU TO FEEL THAT YOU ARE STRANGELY
LACKING IN HUMAN QUALITIES.
Thank you. I am cured now and I must leave.
NO. The thunderstorms were firm in their denial. THIS
IS THE THIRTY-THIRD TIME YOU HAVE HAD THIS
SAME ILLUSION-NIGHTMARE. YOU ARE NOT
HEALED. AND THIS TIME I FEEL MORE BELOW
THE SURFACE OF THE DREAM, AN ARRAY OF
FRAGMENTED TERRORS WHICH SHOULD NOT BE
THERE. TELL ME.
There is no more.
TELL ME. The bonds on the chair were tight around
nay arms and legs. The headrest seemed to suck out the
contents of my head.
Nothing.
A WOMAN. THERE IS A FEMININE SPECTER IN
THOSE TERRORS. WHO IS SHE? SIMEON, WHO IS
SHE?
An author I have read.
AND MET. TELL ME MORE.
Blonde. Green eyes. Full lips like—
SOMETHING MORE.
Full lips.
NO. SOMETHING ELSE.
Let me the hell alone!
TELL ME. It was the voice of a king. The kind who
will not have your head lopped off, but who will decapi-
tate you with words and shame.
Breasts. Big breasts that I— That I—
I KNOW YOUR PROBLEM. I CAN SEE, FROM
YOUR CONDITION, THAT YOU FIND YOURSELF
IN LOVE WITH HER.
No! That’s disgusting!
YES. DENIAL DOES NOTHING TO CHANGE RE-
ALITY. REFUSAL TO ACCEPT DOES NOTHING
MORE THAN MAKE EVENTUAL ACCEPTANCE
MORE DIFFICULT. YOU LOVE THIS WOMAN. YET
YOU HAVE THIS COMPLEX WHICH ELUDES ME IN
ITS ENTIRETY. SIMEON, DO YOU REMEMBER THE
SIMULATED FLESH BREASTS?
I remember.
THOSE ARTIFICIAL BREASTS HAVE COME TO
SYMBOLIZE YOUR INHUMANITY TO YOU. YOU
WERE NOT SUCKLED LIKE A MANCHILD, AND
THE LOSS OF THAT HAS DONE STRANGE THINGS
TO YOU. YOU ARE AFRAID OF WOMEN, OF—
No. I’m not afraid of women. She was just disgusting.
You would have had to see her to understand. All this
spoken reasonably, calmly.
NO. YOU WERE NOT DISGUSTED. YOU ARE
AFRAID, BUT NEVER DISGUSTED. YOU BACK
AWAY FROM EVERYTHING WHICH YOU DO NOT
UNDERSTAND IN THIS LIFE. THIS WOMAN IS
BUT ONE PART OF THAT. YOU BACK AWAY BE-
CAUSE YOU CANNOT SEE WHERE YOUR PLACE
AND PURPOSE COULD LIE IN IT ALL. YOU SEE
NO MEANING IN LIFE AND YOU ARE AFRAID TO
SEARCH FOR ONE, FEARING YOU WILL EVEN-
TUALLY DISCOVER THERE IS NO MEANING.
THAT IS WHY YOU SPEND SO MUCH, LIVE FASTER
THAN YOU SHOULD.
May I go?
YES. GO AND DREAM NO MORE OF PROTEUS
MOTHER. YOU WILL DREAM NO MORE. NO
MORE … NO … MORE …
It spat me into the room.
After every session with the machine, I was drained,
lifeless, some sea creature tossed up on the beach and
gasping its respiratory tract raw in a search for the medium
of life it was accustomed to. I tossed my fins now, made
smacking noises with my mouth, and wiped at my head,
which was clammy and cold. I made my way into the bed-
room and collapsed onto the mattress without pulling the
covers over me.
I tried to encourage pleasant dreams of Marcus Aure-
lius.
And of Harry. And of money.
But somewhere, quite far way, there was a voice calling
to me, a voice which was like chains dragged across a
stone floor, like yellowed paper cracking between my
fingers. It said, “You’re the one they sent for. I know you
are. I hate you. .. .”
V
The next morning, there were rumors of military distur-
bances along the Russian-Chinese border, and news
dispatches from the scene said that Western Alliance
troops had met in brushfire contact with the Orientals and
that a joint report of American and Russian forces would
be filed with the U.N. to protest alleged presence of
Japanese technical advisors in the Chinese ranks.
The new Chinese horror weapon circling the tired plan-
et had been named Dragonfly by the press. Trust those
boys to be original. Or at least colorful. Or, perhaps, just
first.
I paid no attention to it. Thus it had been since my
childhood, one mini-war after another, one “incident” on
the heels of the last, pompous world leaders spouting even
more pompous declarations. A man is not constantly
aware of his hands. A bird must sometimes forget the sky