Christian Science by Mark Twain

to the few; its “boom” has lasted for half a century, and I believe it

claims short of four millions of adherents in America. Who are attracted

by Swedenborgianism and some of the other fine and delicate “isms”? The

few again: educated people, sensitively organized, with superior mental

endowments, who seek lofty planes of thought and find their contentment

there. And who are attracted by Christian Science? There is no limit;

its field is horizonless; its appeal is as universal as is the appeal of

Christianity itself. It appeals to the rich, the poor, the high, the

low, the cultured, the ignorant, the gifted, the stupid, the modest, the

vain, the wise, the silly, the soldier, the civilian, the hero, the

coward, the idler, the worker, the godly, the godless, the freeman, the

slave, the adult, the child; they who are ailing in body or mind, they

who have friends that are ailing in body or mind. To mass it in a

phrase, its clientage is the Human Race. Will it march? I think so.

Remember its principal great offer: to rid the Race of pain and disease.

Can it do so? In large measure, yes. How much of the pain and disease

in the world is created by the imaginations of the sufferers, and then

kept alive by those same imaginations? Four-fifths? Not anything short

of that, I should think. Can Christian Science banish that four-fifths ?

I think so. Can any other (organized) force do it? None that I know of.

Would this be a new world when that was accomplished? And a pleasanter

one–for us well people, as well as for those fussy and fretting sick

ones? Would it seem as if there was not as much gloomy weather as there

used to be? I think so.

In the mean time, would the Scientist kill off a good many patients? I

think so. More than get killed off now by the legalized methods ? I

will take up that question presently.

At present, I wish to ask you to examine some of the Scientist’s

performances, as registered in his magazine, The Christian Science

Journal –October number, 1898. First, a Baptist clergyman gives us this

true picture of “the average orthodox Christian”–and he could have added

that it is a true picture of the average (civilized) human being:

“He is a worried and fretted and fearful man; afraid of himself and his

propensities, afraid of colds and fevers, afraid of treading on serpents

or drinking deadly things.”

Then he gives us this contrast:

“The average Christian Scientist has put all anxiety and fretting under

his feet. He does have a victory over fear and care that is not achieved

by the average orthodox Christian.”

He has put all anxiety and fretting under his feet. What proportion of

your earnings or income would you be willing to pay for that frame of

mind, year in, year out? It really outvalues any price that can be put

upon it. Where can you purchase it, at any outlay of any sort, in any

Church or out of it, except the Scientist’s?

Well, it is the anxiety and fretting about colds, and fevers, and

draughts, and getting our feet wet, and about forbidden food eaten in

terror of indigestion, that brings on the cold and the fever and the

indigestion and the most of our other ailments; and so, if the Science

can banish that anxiety from the world I think it can reduce the world’s

disease and pain about four-fifths.

In this October number many of the redeemed testify and give thanks; and

not coldly, but with passionate gratitude. As a rule they seem drunk

with health, and with the surprise of it, the wonder of it, the

unspeakable glory and splendor of it, after a long, sober spell spent in

inventing imaginary diseases and concreting them with doctor-stuff. The

first witness testifies that when “this most beautiful Truth first dawned

on him” he had “nearly all the ills that flesh is heir to”; that those he

did not have he thought he had –and this made the tale about complete.

What was the natural result? Why, he was a dump-pit “for all the

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