Christian Science by Mark Twain

THE ARISTOCRACY

This consists of First Members and their apostolic succession. It is a

close corporation, and its membership limit is one hundred. Forty will

answer, but if the number fall below that, there must be an election, to

fill the grand quorum.

This Sanhedrin can’t do anything of the slightest importance, but it can

talk. It can “discuss.” That is, it can discuss “important questions

relative to Church members”, evidently persons who are already Church

members. This affords it amusement, and does no harm.

It can “fix the salaries of the Readers.”

Twice a year it “votes on” admitting candidates. That is, for Church

membership. But its work is cut out for it beforehand, by Sec. , Art.

IX.:

“Every recommendation for membership In the Church ‘shall be

countersigned by a loyal student of Mrs. Eddy’s, by a Director of this

Church, or by a First Member.'”

All these three classes of beings are the personal property of Mrs. Eddy.

She has absolute control of the elections.

Also it must “transact any Church business that may properly come before

it.”

“Properly” is a thoughtful word. No important business can come before

it. The By laws have attended to that. No important business goes

before any one for the final word except Mrs. Eddy. She has looked to

that.

The Sanhedrin “votes on” candidates for admission to its own body. But

is its vote worth any more than mine would be? No, it isn’t. Sec. 4,

of Art. V.–Election of First Members–makes this quite plain:

“Before being elected, the candidates for First Members shall be approved

by the Pastor Emeritus over her own signature.”

Thus the Sanhedrin is the personal property of Mrs. Eddy. She owns it.

It has no functions, no authority, no real existence. It is another

Board of Shadows. Mrs. Eddy is the Sanhedrin herself.

But it is time to foot up again and “see where we are at.” Thus far,

Mrs. Eddy is

The Massachusetts Metaphysical College;

Pastor Emeritus,

President;

Board of Directors;

Treasurer;

Clerk;

Future Board of Trustees;

Proprietor of the Priesthood:

Dictator of the Services;

Proprietor of the Sanhedrin. She has come far, and is still on her way.

CHURCH MEMBERSHIP

In this Article there is another exhibition of a couple of the large

features of Mrs. Eddy’s remarkable make-up: her business-talent and her

knowledge of human nature.

She does not beseech and implore people to join her Church. She knows

the human race better than that. She gravely goes through the motions of

reluctantly granting admission to the applicant as a favor to him. The

idea is worth untold shekels. She does not stand at the gate of the fold

with welcoming arms spread, and receive the lost sheep with glad emotion

and set up the fatted calf and invite the neighbor and have a time. No,

she looks upon him coldly, she snubs him, she says:

“Who are you? Who is your sponsor? Who asked you to come here? Go

away, and don’t come again until you are invited.”

It is calculated to strikingly impress a person accustomed to Moody and

Sankey and Sam Jones revivals; accustomed to brain-turning appeals to the

unknown and unendorsed sinner to come forward and enter into the joy,

etc.– “just as he is”; accustomed to seeing him do it; accustomed to

seeing him pass up the aisle through sobbing seas of welcome, and love,

and congratulation, and arrive at the mourner’s bench and be received

like a long-lost government bond.

No, there is nothing of that kind in Mrs. Eddy’s system. She knows that

if you wish to confer upon a human being something which he is not sure

he wants, the best way is to make it apparently difficult for him to get

it–then he is no son of Adam if that apple does not assume an interest

in his eyes which it lacked before. In time this interest can grow into

desire. Mrs. Eddy knows that when you cannot get a man to try–free of

cost–a new and effective remedy for a disease he is afflicted with, you

can generally sell it to him if you will put a price upon it which he

cannot afford. When, in the beginning, she taught Christian Science

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