Christian Science by Mark Twain

procession. Her verbal output, when left undoctored by her clerks, is

quite unmistakable It always exhibits the strongly distinctive features

observable in the virgin passages from her pen already quoted by me:

Desert vacancy, as regards thought.

Self-complacency.

Puerility.

Sentimentality.

Affectations of scholarly learning.

Lust after eloquent and flowery expression.

Repetition of pet poetic picturesquenesses.

Confused and wandering statement.

Metaphor gone insane.

Meaningless words, used because they are pretty, or showy, or unusual.

Sorrowful attempts at the epigrammatic.

Destitution of originality.

The fat volume called Miscellaneous Writings of Mrs. Eddy contains

several hundred pages. Of the five hundred and fifty-four pages of prose

in it I find ten lines, on page 319, to be Mrs. Eddy’s; also about a page

of the preface or “Prospectus”; also about fifteen pages scattered along

through the book. If she wrote any of the rest of the prose, it was

rewritten after her by another hand. Here I will insert two-thirds of

her page of the prospectus. It is evident that whenever, under the

inspiration of the Deity, she turns out a book, she is always allowed to

do some of the preface. I wonder why that is? It always mars the work.

I think it is done in humorous malice I think the clerks like to see her

give herself away. They know she will, her stock of usable materials

being limited and her procedure in employing them always the same,

substantially. They know that when the initiated come upon her first

erudite allusion, or upon any one of her other stage-properties, they can

shut their eyes and tell what will follow. She usually throws off an

easy remark all sodden with Greek or Hebrew or Latin learning; she

usually has a person watching for a star–she can seldom get away from

that poetic idea–sometimes it is a Chaldee, sometimes a Walking

Delegate, sometimes an entire stranger, but be he what he may, he is

generally there when the train is ready to move, and has his pass in his

hat-band; she generally has a Being with a Dome on him, or some other

cover that is unusual and out of the fashion; she likes to fire off a

Scripture-verse where it will make the handsomest noise and come nearest

to breaking the connection; she often throws out a Forefelt, or a

Foresplendor, or a Foreslander where it will have a fine nautical

foreto’gallant sound and make the sentence sing; after which she is

nearly sure to throw discretion away and take to her deadly passion,

Intoxicated Metaphor. At such a time the Mrs. Eddy that does not

hesitate is lost:

“The ancient Greek looked longingly for the Olympiad. The Chaldee

watched the appearing of a star; to him no higher destiny dawned on the

dome of being than that foreshadowed by signs in the heavens. The meek

Nazarene, the scoffed of all scoffers, said, ‘Ye can discern the face of

the sky; but can ye not discern the signs of the times?’–for He forefelt

and foresaw the ordeal of a perfect Christianity, hated by sinners.

“To kindle all minds with a gleam of gratitude, the new idea that comes

welling up from infinite Truth needs to be understood. The seer of this

age should be a sage.

“Humility is the stepping-stone to a higher recognition of Deity. The

mounting sense gathers fresh forms and strange fire from the ashes of

dissolving self, and drops the world. Meekness heightens immortal

attributes, only by removing the dust that dims them. Goodness reveals

another scene and another self seemingly rolled up in shades, but brought

to light by the evolutions of advancing thought, whereby we discern the

power of Truth and Love to heal the sick.

“Pride is ignorance; those assume most who have the least wisdom or

experience; and they steal from their neighbor, because they have so

little of their own.”–Miscellaneous Writings, page 1, and six lines at

top of page 2.

It is not believable that the hand that wrote those clumsy and affected

sentences wrote the smooth English of Science and Health.

CHAPTER IV

It is often said in print that Mrs. Eddy claims that God was the Author

of Science and Health. Mr. Peabody states in his pamphlet that “she says

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