Christian Science by Mark Twain

explanation of it from Science and Health–and so they go on alternating.

This constitutes the service–this, with choir-music. They utter no word

of their own. Art. IV., Sec. 6, closes their mouths with this

uncompromising gag:

“They shall make no remarks explanatory of the Lesson-Sermon at any time

during the service.”

It seems a simple little thing. One is not startled by it at a first

reading of it; nor at the second, nor the third. One may have to read it

a dozen times before the whole magnitude of it rises before the mind. It

far and away oversizes and outclasses the best business-idea yet invented

for the safe-guarding and perpetuating of a religion. If it had been

thought of and put in force eighteen hundred and seventy years ago, there

would be but one Christian sect in the world now, instead of ten dozens

of them.

There are many varieties of men in the world, consequently there are many

varieties of minds in its pulpits. This insures many differing

interpretations of important Scripture texts, and this in turn insures

the splitting up of a religion into many sects. It is what has happened;

it was sure to happen.

Mrs. Eddy has noted this disastrous result of preaching, and has put up

the bars. She will have no preaching in her Church. She has explained

all essential Scriptures, and set the explanations down in her book. In

her belief her underlings cannot improve upon those explanations, and in

that stern sentence “they shall make no explanatory remarks” she has

barred them for all time from trying. She will be obeyed; there is no

question about that.

In arranging her government she has borrowed ideas from various sources–

not poor ones, but the best in the governmental market–but this one is

new, this one came out of no ordinary business-head, this one must have

come out of her own, there has been no other commercial skull in a

thousand centuries that was equal to it. She has borrowed freely and

wisely, but I am sure that this idea is many times larger than all her

borrowings bulked together. One must respect the business-brain that

produced it–the splendid pluck and impudence that ventured to promulgate

it, anyway.

ELECTION OF READERS

Readers are not taken at hap-hazard, any more than preachers are taken at

hap-hazard for the pulpits of other sects. No, Readers are elected by

the Board of Directors. But–

“Section 3. The Board shall inform the Pas. for Emeritus of the names

of candidates for Readers before they are elected, and if she objects to

the nomination, said candidates shall not be chosen.”

Is that an election–by the Board? Thus far I have not been able to find

out what that Board of Spectres is for. It certainly has no real

function, no duty which the hired girl could not perform, no office

beyond the mere recording of the autocrat’s decrees.

There are no dangerously long office-terms in Mrs. Eddy’s government.

The Readers are elected for but one year. This insures their

subserviency to their proprietor.

Readers are not allowed to copy out passages and read them from the

manuscript in the pulpit; they must read from Mrs. Eddy’s book itself.

She is right. Slight changes could be slyly made, repeated, and in time

get acceptance with congregations. Branch sects could grow out of these

practices. Mrs. Eddy knows the human race, and how far to trust it. Her

limit is not over a quarter of an inch. It is all that a wise person

will risk.

Mrs. Eddy’s inborn disposition to copyright everything, charter

everything, secure the rightful and proper credit to herself for

everything she does, and everything she thinks she does, and everything

she thinks, and everything she thinks she thinks or has thought or

intends to think, is illustrated in Sec. 5 of Art. IV., defining the

duties of official Readers–in church:

“Naming Book and Author. The Reader of Science and Health, with Key to

the Scriptures, before commencing to read from this book, shall

distinctly announce its full title and give the author’s name.”

Otherwise the congregation might get the habit of forgetting who

(ostensibly) wrote the book.

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