Christian Science by Mark Twain

kinship according to the flesh, it shall be regarded by the Church as an

indication of disrespect for their Pastor Emeritus, and unfitness to be a

member of the Mother-Church.”

She is the Pastor Emeritus.

While the quoted paragraph about the Procession seems to indicate that

Mrs. Eddy is expecting to occupy the First Place in it, that expectation

is not definitely avowed. In an earlier utterance of hers she is

clearer–clearer, and does not claim the first place all to herself, but

only the half of it. I quote from Mr. Peabody’s book again:

“In the Christian Science Journal for April, 1889, when it was her

property, and published by her, it was claimed for her, and with her

sanction, that she was equal with Jesus, and elaborate effort was made to

establish the claim.

“Mrs. Eddy has distinctly authorized the claim in her behalf that she

herself was the chosen successor to and equal of Jesus.”

In her Miscellaneous Writings (using her once favorite “We” for “I”) she

says that “While we entertain decided views . . . and shall express

them as duty demands, we shall claim no especial gift from our divine

origin,” etc.

Our divine origin. It suggests Equal again. It is inferable, then, that

in the near by-and-by the new Church will officially rank the Holy Family

in the following order:

1. Jesus of Nazareth. –1. Our Mother.

2. The Virgin Mary.

SUMMARY

I am not playing with Christian Science and its founder, I am examining

them; and I am doing it because of the interest I feel in the inquiry.

My results may seem inadequate to the reader, but they have for me

clarified a muddle and brought a sort of order out of a chaos, and so I

value them.

My readings of Mrs. Eddy’s uninspired miscellaneous literary efforts have

convinced me of several things:

1. That she did not write Science and Health.

2. That the Deity did (or did not) write it.

3. That She thinks She wrote it.

4. That She believes She wrote it under the Deity’s inspiration.

5. That She believes She is a Member of the Holy Family.

6. That She believes She is the equal of the Head of it.

Finally, I think She is now entitled to the capital S–on her own

evidence.

CHAPTER VI

Thus far we have a part of Mrs. Eddy’s portrait. Not made of fictions,

surmises, reports, rumors, innuendoes, dropped by her enemies; no, she

has furnished all of the materials herself, and laid them on the canvas,

under my general superintendence and direction. As far as she has gone

with it, it is the presentation of a complacent, commonplace, illiterate

New England woman who “forgot everything she knew” when she discovered

her discovery, then wrote a Bible in good English under the inspiration

of God, and climbed up it to the supremest summit of earthly grandeur

attainable by man–where she sits serene to-day, beloved and worshiped by

a multitude of human beings of as good average intelligence as is

possessed by those that march under the banner of any competing cult.

This is not intended to flatter the competing cults, it is merely a

statement of cold fact.

That a commonplace person should go climbing aloft and become a god or a

half-god or a quarter-god and be worshiped by men and women of average

intelligence, is nothing. It has happened a million times, it will

happen a hundred million more. It has been millions of years since the

first of these supernaturals appeared, and by the time the last one in

that inconceivably remote future shall have performed his solemn little

high-jinks on the stage and closed the business, there will be enough of

them accumulated in the museum on the Other Side to start a heaven of

their own-and jam it.

Each in his turn those little supernaturals of our by-gone ages and aeons

joined the monster procession of his predecessors and marched

horizonward, disappeared, and was forgotten. They changed nothing, they

built nothing, they left nothing behind them to remember them by, nothing

to hold their disciples together, nothing to solidify their work and

enable it to defy the assaults of time and the weather. They passed, and

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