LIFE ON THE MISSISSIPPI BY MARK TWAIN

gotten rid of him without running some chance of hurting his feelings,

and I was far from wishing to do that. Besides, there was something engaging

in his countrified simplicity and his beaming good-nature. The first time

I saw this Mr. John Backus, I guessed, from his clothes and his looks,

that he was a grazier or farmer from the backwoods of some western State–

doubtless Ohio–and afterward when he dropped into his personal history

and I discovered that he WAS a cattle-raiser from interior Ohio,

I was so pleased with my own penetration that I warmed toward him for

verifying my instinct.

He got to dropping alongside me every day, after breakfast,

to help me make my promenade; and so, in the course of time,

his easy-working jaw had told me everything about his business,

his prospects, his family, his relatives, his politics–

in fact everything that concerned a Backus, living or dead.

And meantime I think he had managed to get out of me everything

I knew about my trade, my tribe, my purposes, my prospects,

and myself. He was a gentle and persuasive genius, and this thing

showed it; for I was not given to talking about my matters.

I said something about triangulation, once; the stately word

pleased his ear; he inquired what it meant; I explained;

after that he quietly and inoffensively ignored my name,

and always called me Triangle.

What an enthusiast he was in cattle! At the bare name of a bull or a cow,

his eye would light and his eloquent tongue would turn itself loose. As long

as I would walk and listen, he would walk and talk; he knew all breeds,

he loved all breeds, he caressed them all with his affectionate tongue.

I tramped along in voiceless misery whilst the cattle question was up;

when I could endure it no longer, I used to deftly insert a scientific topic

into the conversation; then my eye fired and his faded; my tongue fluttered,

his stopped; life was a joy to me, and a sadness to him.

One day he said, a little hesitatingly, and with somewhat of diffidence–

‘Triangle, would you mind coming down to my stateroom a minute,

and have a little talk on a certain matter?’

I went with him at once. Arrived there, he put his head out, glanced up

and down the saloon warily, then closed the door and locked it.

He sat down on the sofa, and he said–

‘I’m a-going to make a little proposition to you, and if it strikes

you favorable, it’ll be a middling good thing for both of us.

You ain’t a-going out to Californy for fun, nuther am I–

it’s business, ain’t that so? Well, you can do me a good turn,

and so can I you, if we see fit. I’ve raked and scraped and saved,

a considerable many years, and I’ve got it all here.’

He unlocked an old hair trunk, tumbled a chaos of shabby

clothes aside, and drew a short stout bag into view for a moment,

then buried it again and relocked the trunk. Dropping his voice

to a cautious low tone, he continued, ‘She’s all there–a round

ten thousand dollars in yellow-boys; now this is my little idea:

What I don’t know about raising cattle, ain’t worth knowing.

There’s mints of money in it, in Californy. Well, I know,

and you know, that all along a line that ‘s being surveyed,

there ‘s little dabs of land that they call “gores,” that fall

to the surveyor free gratis for nothing. All you’ve got to do,

on your side, is to survey in such a way that the “gores” will fall

on good fat land, then you turn ’em over to me, I stock ’em with cattle,

in rolls the cash, I plank out your share of the dollars regular,

right along, and–‘

I was sorry to wither his blooming enthusiasm, but it could not be helped.

I interrupted, and said severely–

‘I am not that kind of a surveyor. Let us change the subject, Mr. Backus.’

It was pitiful to see his confusion and hear his awkward

and shamefaced apologies. I was as much distressed as he was–

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