LIFE ON THE MISSISSIPPI BY MARK TWAIN

But don’t you be uneasy; I know as much as any man can afford

to know for a hundred and twenty-five!’

The captain surrendered.

Five minutes later Stephen was bowling through the chute and showing

the rival boat a two-hundred-and-fifty-dollar pair of heels.

Chapter 15

The Pilots’ Monopoly

ONE day, on board the ‘Aleck Scott,’ my chief, Mr. Bixby,

was crawling carefully through a close place at Cat Island,

both leads going, and everybody holding his breath. The captain,

a nervous, apprehensive man, kept still as long as he could,

but finally broke down and shouted from the hurricane deck–

‘For gracious’ sake, give her steam, Mr. Bixby! give her steam!

She’ll never raise the reef on this headway!’

For all the effect that was produced upon Mr. Bixby, one would have supposed

that no remark had been made. But five minutes later, when the danger

was past and the leads laid in, he burst instantly into a consuming fury,

and gave the captain the most admirable cursing I ever listened to.

No bloodshed ensued; but that was because the captain’s cause was weak;

for ordinarily he was not a man to take correction quietly.

Having now set forth in detail the nature of the science of piloting,

and likewise described the rank which the pilot held among the fraternity

of steamboatmen, this seems a fitting place to say a few words about an

organization which the pilots once formed for the protection of their guild.

It was curious and noteworthy in this, that it was perhaps the compactest,

the completest, and the strongest commercial organization ever

formed among men.

For a long time wages had been two hundred and fifty dollars a month;

but curiously enough, as steamboats multiplied and business increased,

the wages began to fall little by little. It was easy to discover

the reason of this. Too many pilots were being ‘made.’ It was nice

to have a ‘cub,’ a steersman, to do all the hard work for a couple

of years, gratis, while his master sat on a high bench and smoked;

all pilots and captains had sons or nephews who wanted to be pilots. By and

by it came to pass that nearly every pilot on the river had a steersman.

When a steersman had made an amount of progress that was satisfactory

to any two pilots in the trade, they could get a pilot’s license for him

by signing an application directed to the United States Inspector.

Nothing further was needed; usually no questions were asked, no proofs

of capacity required.

Very well, this growing swarm of new pilots presently

began to undermine the wages, in order to get berths.

Too late–apparently–the knights of the tiller perceived

their mistake. Plainly, something had to be done, and quickly;

but what was to be the needful thing. A close organization.

Nothing else would answer. To compass this seemed an impossibility;

so it was talked, and talked, and then dropped.

It was too likely to ruin whoever ventured to move

in the matter. But at last about a dozen of the boldest–

and some of them the best–pilots on the river launched

themselves into the enterprise and took all the chances.

They got a special charter from the legislature, with large powers,

under the name of the Pilots’ Benevolent Association;

elected their officers, completed their organization,

contributed capital, put ‘association’ wages up to two hundred

and fifty dollars at once–and then retired to their homes,

for they were promptly discharged from employment.

But there were two or three unnoticed trifles in their by-laws

which had the seeds of propagation in them. For instance,

all idle members of the association, in good standing,

were entitled to a pension of twenty-five dollars per month.

This began to bring in one straggler after another from the ranks

of the new-fledged pilots, in the dull (summer) season.

Better have twenty-five dollars than starve; the initiation

fee was only twelve dollars, and no dues required

from the unemployed.

Also, the widows of deceased members in good standing could

draw twenty-five dollars per month, and a certain sum for each

of their children. Also, the said deceased would be buried

at the association’s expense. These things resurrected all

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