LIFE ON THE MISSISSIPPI BY MARK TWAIN

She was neat, clean, and comfortable. We camped on the boiler deck,

and bought some cheap literature to kill time with. The vender was a

venerable Irishman with a benevolent face and a tongue that worked easily

in the socket, and from him we learned that he had lived in St. Louis

thirty-four years and had never been across the river during that period.

Then he wandered into a very flowing lecture, filled with classic names

and allusions, which was quite wonderful for fluency until the fact became

rather apparent that this was not the first time, nor perhaps the fiftieth,

that the speech had been delivered. He was a good deal of a character,

and much better company than the sappy literature he was selling.

A random remark, connecting Irishmen and beer, brought this nugget of

information out of him–

They don’t drink it, sir. They can’t drink it, sir.

Give an Irishman lager for a month, and he’s a dead man.

An Irishman is lined with copper, and the beer corrodes it.

But whiskey polishes the copper and is the saving of him, sir.’

At eight o’clock, promptly, we backed out and crossed the river.

As we crept toward the shore, in the thick darkness, a blinding

glory of white electric light burst suddenly from our forecastle,

and lit up the water and the warehouses as with a noon-day glare.

Another big change, this–no more flickering, smoky, pitch-dripping,

ineffectual torch-baskets, now: their day is past. Next, instead of

calling out a score of hands to man the stage, a couple of men and a

hatful of steam lowered it from the derrick where it was suspended,

launched it, deposited it in just the right spot, and the whole thing

was over and done with before a mate in the olden time could have

got his profanity-mill adjusted to begin the preparatory services.

Why this new and simple method of handling the stages was not thought

of when the first steamboat was built, is a mystery which helps one to

realize what a dull-witted slug the average human being is.

We finally got away at two in the morning, and when I turned out

at six, we were rounding to at a rocky point where there was an old

stone warehouse–at any rate, the ruins of it; two or three decayed

dwelling-houses were near by, in the shelter of the leafy hills;

but there were no evidences of human or other animal life to be seen.

I wondered if I had forgotten the river; for I had no recollection whatever

of this place; the shape of the river, too, was unfamiliar; there was

nothing in sight, anywhere, that I could remember ever having seen before.

I was surprised, disappointed, and annoyed.

We put ashore a well-dressed lady and gentleman, and two well-dressed,

lady-like young girls, together with sundry Russia-leather bags.

A strange place for such folk! No carriage was waiting.

The party moved off as if they had not expected any, and struck

down a winding country road afoot.

But the mystery was explained when we got under way again;

for these people were evidently bound for a large town which lay

shut in behind a tow-head (i.e., new island) a couple of miles

below this landing. I couldn’t remember that town; I couldn’t

place it, couldn’t call its name. So I lost part of my temper.

I suspected that it might be St. Genevieve–and so it proved

to be. Observe what this eccentric river had been about:

it had built up this huge useless tow-head directly

in front of this town, cut off its river communications,

fenced it away completely, and made a ‘country’ town of it.

It is a fine old place, too, and deserved a better fate.

It was settled by the French, and is a relic of a time when one

could travel from the mouths of the Mississippi to Quebec and be

on French territory and under French rule all the way.

Presently I ascended to the hurricane deck and cast a longing

glance toward the pilot-house.

Chapter 24

My Incognito is Exploded

AFTER a close study of the face of the pilot on watch, I was satisfied that I

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