there was Ben Thornburg, and Beck Jolly, and Squire Bell,
and Horace Bixby, and Major Downing, and John Stevenson,
and Billy Gordon, and Jim Brady, and George Ealer,
and Billy Youngblood–all A 1 alligator pilots. THEY could tell
alligator water as far as another Christian could tell whiskey.
Read it?–Ah, COULDN’T they, though! I only wish I had as many
dollars as they could read alligator water a mile and a half off.
Yes, and it paid them to do it, too. A good alligator pilot could
always get fifteen hundred dollars a month. Nights, other people
had to lay up for alligators, but those fellows never laid
up for alligators; they never laid up for anything but fog.
They could SMELL the best alligator water it was said;
I don’t know whether it was so or not, and I think a body’s got
his hands full enough if he sticks to just what he knows himself,
without going around backing up other people’s say-so’s,
though there’s a plenty that ain’t backward about doing it,
as long as they can roust out something wonderful to tell.
Which is not the style of Robert Styles, by as much as
three fathom–maybe quarter-LESS.’
[My! Was this Rob Styles?–This mustached and stately figure?-A slim
enough cub, in my time. How he has improved in comeliness in five-and-twenty
year and in the noble art of inflating his facts.] After these musings,
I said aloud-
‘I should think that dredging out the alligators wouldn’t have done much good,
because they could come back again right away.’
‘If you had had as much experience of alligators as I have, you wouldn’t
talk like that. You dredge an alligator once and he’s CONVINCED.
It’s the last you hear of HIM. He wouldn’t come back for pie.
If there’s one thing that an alligator is more down on than another,
it’s being dredged. Besides, they were not simply shoved
out of the way; the most of the scoopful were scooped aboard;
they emptied them into the hold; and when they had got a trip,
they took them to Orleans to the Government works.’
‘What for?’
‘Why, to make soldier-shoes out of their hides.
All the Government shoes are made of alligator hide.
It makes the best shoes in the world. They last five years,
and they won’t absorb water. The alligator fishery is a
Government monopoly. All the alligators are Government property–
just like the live-oaks. You cut down a live-oak, and
Government fines you fifty dollars; you kill an alligator,
and up you go for misprision of treason–lucky duck if they
don’t hang you, too. And they will, if you’re a Democrat.
The buzzard is the sacred bird of the South, and you can’t
touch him; the alligator is the sacred bird of the Government,
and you’ve got to let him alone.’
‘Do you ever get aground on the alligators now?’
‘Oh, no! it hasn’t happened for years.’
‘Well, then, why do they still keep the alligator boats in service?’
‘Just for police duty–nothing more. They merely go up and down
now and then. The present generation of alligators know them
as easy as a burglar knows a roundsman; when they see one coming,
they break camp and go for the woods.’
After rounding-out and finishing-up and polishing-off the alligator business,
he dropped easily and comfortably into the historical vein, and told of some
tremendous feats of half-a-dozen old-time steamboats of his acquaintance,
dwelling at special length upon a certain extraordinary performance of his
chief favorite among this distinguished fleet–and then adding–
‘That boat was the “Cyclone,”–last trip she ever made–she sunk,
that very trip–captain was Tom Ballou, the most immortal liar that ever
I struck. He couldn’t ever seem to tell the truth, in any kind of weather.
Why, he would make you fairly shudder. He WAS the most scandalous liar!
I left him, finally; I couldn’t stand it. The proverb says, “like master,
like man;” and if you stay with that kind of a man, you’ll come under
suspicion by and by, just as sure as you live. He paid first-class wages;
but said I, What’s wages when your reputation’s in danger? So I let
the wages go, and froze to my reputation. And I’ve never regretted it.