Senator Patellarasa: And for my part, I whine in protest at— (The chamber erupts with insults directed at Senator Patellarasa’s ancestry and manhood.)
Chairman Whelm, pounding his gavel many times. Order! Order! Order! (Order is restored.) Senator Patellarasa, you are out of order! And let me say for the record that while the Senator from the Sons of Ozar at times advances his opinion in somewhat more rigorous terms than would most others—
Senator Arbeitmachtfrei: To the ovens! To the ovens!
Chairman Whelm:—that many of us, indeed, I will say most of us here, share his concern with the weight of pettifoggery and red tape which has come to overburden our finest investigatory agencies. With that in mind, let us proceed with the report of the Angel Jimmy Jesus. (Cries of “Quite right!” and “Hear, Hear!”) The Angel Jimmy Jesus, you have the floor.
The Angel Jimmy Jesus: The principal purpose of our investigation has been to establish the history of the——, with particular regard to any of his associations with——. I am pleased to say that our investigation has turned up much information. This information, as will become apparent, fully justifies the great concern which the Committee and my own organization the——has taken in the activities of the——. As the Committee has already heard the testimony of——, which recounts the criminal actions of——in the city of——, I would like to concentrate my testimony on the actions of——following his escape from justice in the city which I have not mentioned.
Chairman Whelm: Certainly, certainly.
The Angel Jimmy Jesus: Thank you, sir. As will become clear, the suspect——has in a short time compiled a truly impressive record of criminal wrongdoing. Indeed, both my own organization, the——, as well as such other investigatory agencies as———,———,——, and——have been hot on the trail of the miscreant and his confederates—
Chairman Whelm: Confederates? Do I understand you to say that the villain is part of a cabal?
The Angel Jimmy Jesus: Yes, sir. He has been associated for some years with a dwarf of unknown and suspicious origin— (Cries of “A dwarf!” and “How disgusting!”) —and has in the more recent period been acting in league with a notorious highwayman and that latter’s own criminal gang, which consists of two renegade nobles from Malata. The offenses of this subversive—I leave out of consideration the suspect’s crimes in Goimr, which have already been recounted—are positively legion: 1) calling into question the commercial philosophy and weltanschauung of a subsidiary of the Consortium; 2) ridiculing a man of the cloth; 3) proselytizing Joesy; 4) associating with a notorious highwayman under the guise of being robbed; 5) calling again into question the commercial philosophy and weltanschauung of a subsidiary of the Consortium; 6) exhibiting disrespect for the legal profession; 7) participating in the escape of a felon under the guise of being robbed; 8) calling into question yet again the commercial philosophy and weltanschauung of a subsidiary of the Consortium; 9) participating in his own escape from lawful capture by representatives of the provisional government of Goimr with the assistance of a notorious highwayman; 10) participating in the slaughter of said legal representatives of the provisional government of Goimr with the aid of— (The Angel Jimmy Jesus is interrupted by a cry from the visitors’ gallery.)
First Clerk Gerard: What’s this? What’s this? Are you saying the fiend has murdered our noble commandos? (Great hubbub erupts in the chamber. Chairman Whelm pounds his gavel vigorously.)
Chairman Whelm: Order! Order! Order! (Order is restored.) First Clerk Gerard, I must reprimand you for disrupting the session! Guests in the visitors’ gallery are not permitted to speak!
First Clerk Gerard: My apologies, Puissant Chairman. It’s just—the sudden shock—
Chairman Whelm: Yes, yes, I understand. Nevertheless, the formalities must be observed. I take it from your reaction that this is the first you have heard of the fate of your commandos? Go on, man, you may speak.
First Clerk Gerard: Thank you, sir. Yes, yes, it’s true that our commandos were long overdue, but we had thought they had deser—uh, well, that is to say, the salary of our soldiery is perhaps not—we are a poor country—for that very reason, in fact, do I require the assistance of the—well, I will speak of that later—The Angel Jimmy Jesus, do I understand you that our noble commandos were slain?