“It’s mad! It’s insane! Heresies galore! Schisms enough to turn a schizophrenic green with envy! And talk about paranoia! Whisper the words ‘Joe’s back’ in an alley somewhere—Church and State both will scream for your blood! Ask any priest to tell you about Joe and he’ll shame a deaf-mute! And—”
“Enough!” roared Magrit.
The wizard now addressed himself to the strangler.
“Sirrah Greyboar, as I mentioned before, I have a favor to ask.”
“What is it?”
“As I understand it, you and your agent are departing for New Sfinctr within the hour?” Greyboar nodded. “My apprentice and I, for our part, must wend our way to the Mutt. For ’tis clear that I must, before all else, attempt to consult with Uncle Manya. Sane or insane, he remains the world’s authority on Joetrics. If there is anyone who can shed light on the mysteries which surround me, ’twill be he.”
Zulkeh paused, coughed apologetically. “I am, perhaps—what is the popular expression?—yes, ‘beating about the bush.’ The point is this. For some considerable distance, we shall be traveling the same route. Of course, our paths will diverge at Blain. But for the first many days, well—”
“You want to come with us?” asked Greyboar.
Zulkeh coughed again. “It seemed to me, you understand, the occasional footpad or highwayman—”
“No problem, professor,” said Ignace, grinning widely. “Sure and you can come along. Greyboar’ll no doubt enjoy the philosophical conversation. And, it’s true,” he added, his grin now evil, “we’re not likely to be bothered by cutthroats.”
“Haven’t actually been mugged since I was eight,” rumbled Greyboar. “The thing went badly for the footpad, and word got around. He survived, of course, I was too short to reach his throat, but—well—”
“Best thing that ever happened to the guy!” chipped in Ignace. “He made lots more as a beggar than he ever did as a cutpurse. People always chipped into his hat, feeling as sorry for him as they did, all twitchy and mangled up like that.”
“Yeah, sure, it’d be a pleasure,” said Greyboar. “On the way, I think I’ll teach Shelyid a little fingerwork. Kid’s got a great natural choke.” He forestalled Zulkeh’s protest with an upraised hand.
“Nothing fancy, nothing fancy. But the boy can’t study sorcery every minute of the day. And you never know when a little professional fingerwork will come in handy, even in your trade.”
“Well, yes,” allowed Zulkeh. “There is the occasional rowdy demon. Oft cranky, your demons, especially if you summon them during copulation.”
“If you want to come, we’re leaving now,” announced Ignace.
“We are ready. Are we not, Shelyid?”
“Oh yes, professor. The sack’s right here.”
“Let us be off, then. For even as I speak, time wanes!”
“Wait! Wait!” cried Shelyid. “We forgot something!”
The wizard frowned. “And what is that?”
“Well, it’s the first of the month, right?”
“Yes, ’tis November 1, Year of the Jackal,” replied the mage. “What of it?”
A huge grin split the gnome’s face. Shelyid extended his arm, palm facing up.
“Payday!”
A black frown began to take form on Zulkeh’s brow. But it faded, to be replaced by a rare smile.
“Why, so it is,” spoke the mage. “As the contract says—Article III, clause a, if I am not mistaken—’the short-statured-but-fully-qualified-apprentice shall earn the wage of one shilling a month, to be paid on the first day of the month.’ ” The wizard fumbled in his purse, drew out a coin, and placed it in Shelyid’s hand.
“Of course,” spoke the mage, “from a logical standpoint this entire business is somewhat absurd. You are yourself, after all”—he coughed—”well, let us simply say that the funds actually originate from you in the first place.”
“Is it not ever so?” demanded the first.
“Is not all value created from the toil of the suffering masses?” asked the second.
“Only then seized in its entirety by the grasping hand of the exploiter!” added the third.
“To be added to his already-obscene accumulation of plenty!” This from the fourth.
“From which bloated mass of wealth but a pittance is returned to the laborer!” The fifth.
“Upon which starvation wages the downtrodden working classes eke out their miserable existence,” concluded the sixth.