“Yes, I suppose. What’s your point?”
“I should think it would be obvious. In all our talk yesterday about The Roach’s poor prospects for a long life, you made no mention of your own likely fate. But it seems clear to me that the Ozarine and their Groutch accomplices will be coming after you as well. Near the top of their list, you must be.”
She frowned. “Yes, that’s true.” She pursed her lips in thought. “The Roach first, of course. After that—well, Les Six and Les Cinq and Les Sept. The Mysterious Q, naturally. Then—well, probably me. Among others.”
“So that’s that!” I said, grinning. “Our personal problems are solved by circumstances.”
She sat up straight, her back stiff.
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“My love, surely you don’t think I’m going to head off to be an artist in New Sfinctr while you’re running for your life?”
“And just what do you propose to do instead? You don’t know anything about the work of the revolution! That’s not a criticism, it’s just a fact.” She stared at me a moment. The expression which then came upon her face captured the poet’s meaning—wild surmise.
“I don’t believe this—you idiot! You romantic dunce! You’re going to stick with me just so you can go down swinging at the end? Defending the fair and helpless maiden from the ravening forces of reaction?”
“Nonsense! You’re neither fair nor helpless nor, for that matter, a maiden.” I cleared my throat. “Other than that, well, yes. That is what I propose to do.”
“I won’t have it! It’s a waste! And what’s the point of it?”
“The point of it, Gwendolyn, is that it’s the way I am. There’s no point in arguing about it. I’m not going to change my mind, and you’ve got better things to do than to worry about how to get rid of me.” I grinned. “Look on the bright side. I can make your last days on earth more enjoyable.”
She snorted. “That’s true enough.” Then, grinning herself. “Even though I won’t get much sleep.”
She lay back on the bed, shaking her head. “What a world, with such mad artists in it. I suppose my worthless brother’ll come charging to my rescue next. Make perfect sense—tonight’s Halloween.”
* * *
Later that morning, as we rode toward the estates of General Kutumoff, Gwendolyn laughed. “Just like a bad novel—the romantic adventures of an Ozarine hero, gallivanting about the Groutch countryside.”
“True,” I said. “But I doubt any proper adventurer ever rode on such a sorry nag.”
PART XVII
In Which, It Is
Our Sad Duty to Relate,
Our Heroes Commit the Most
Heinous and Horrific Crimes, Thereby
Forfeiting For All Time the Title of “Heroes,”
a Name Which We Shall Therefore
Never Use Again Associated
With Their Now Hopelessly
Blackened Names
CHAPTER XXI.
A Cunning Diversion. Chaos and Confusion. “Blood, Booze and Bamboozlement.” Divers Family Tragedies Recounted. A Wedding Cake of Misfortune. An Escape Foiled. A Capture Foiled!
And so it was the very next night that our heroes set forth to purloin the Rap Sheet. Before proceeding with our narration of the theft itself, however, ’tis necessary to summarize the events which transpired simultaneously in the Embassy ballroom. As I—the Alfred of record—was located on the person of the dwarf Shelyid, himself located in distant portions of the castle, the tale of the wedding party’s disruption was pieced together from the rudimentary accounts of several of my apprentices. These latter had I dispatched onto the persons of Les Six, from which vantage points they observed the proceedings and took such notes as their student skills permitted.
The affair began, as Wolfgang had predicted, swimmingly. The motley party gained entrance into the Embassy by posing as a maid and six servitors. ‘Tis beyond comprehension how this ridiculous subterfuge succeeded, but no doubt Magrit’s large mop and pail of some substance which she claimed to be soap was of assistance in lulling the suspicions of the normally alert guards, ushers and majordomos. As for Les Six, ’twas perhaps the very absurdity of their presence which gave them their bonafides, for who but lowly servitors could such slovenly proletarians possibly be?