It was then that I remembered the figurine I had obtained in the Doghouse, and I resolved to create my own version of the piece. Madame Kutumoff readily granted me permission to use the studio, and so I went happily to work. After an initial period of indecision, I finally decided to make a carving—inspired by finding an exquisite baulk of walnut. By the end of the week, I felt satisfied with my work.
Yet, as enjoyable as the time was, there was always a little cloud of unhappiness lurking in a corner of my heart. It could not last, I knew. But I thrust the thought from my mind.
* * *
We were awakened, the morning of the seventh day, by a great, booming, familiar voice. Before I was even out of the bed, Gwendolyn was clothed and rushing through the door.
A minute or so later, I arrived downstairs in the music salon which seemed to double as the mansion’s all-purpose gathering place. Sure enough. It was Wolfgang. When he heard my footsteps, he broke off his conversation with Gwendolyn and Hildegard.
“Benvenuti!” he cried. “I hear you’ve had the most heroic adventure! Such a hair-raising exploit!”
I shrugged modestly. “It was nothing—not much more than a hike through the woods.”
“Not that, you silly boy! I’m talking about seducing Gwendolyn—such a daredevil! Such a credit to his family!”
Gwendolyn slapped him playfully. Anyone but the gigantic lunatic would have been flattened.
“Stop that, Gwendolyn, stop that! You mustn’t strike a psychopath—it’s very bad therapeutic technique. Not at all modern!”
Gwendolyn laughed. “It was a sad day for the world when they did away with snake pits.”
Wolfgang rolled his eyes. “Oh, but they didn’t! They just turned the whole world into a snake pit, so nobody could tell the difference.”
“And I’ll have you know he didn’t seduce me, anyway. Ha! I had to drag the screaming virgin to the bed. Then I had to teach him everything.”
My upper lip grew stiff.
“I’ll admit, he’s been a good student. Doesn’t fumble near as much, although his stiff upper lip still gets in the way when he tries to—”
“Gwendolyn!” cried Hildegard.
Gwendolyn chuckled. “Bait me, will you? Make fun of the dour fanatic, will you? Ha! All right, Wolfgang, enough of that. What happened to the Rap Sheet? And how did you get here so fast, anyway?”
Wolfgang sighed. “Oh, Gwendolyn, always so serious. Business, business, business. It’s not good for your mental stability, you know? The head psychiatrist at—”
“Wolfgang!”
The giant rolled his eyes. “Where should I start? How did I get here so fast? Well, I was so eager to tell you the wonderful news that I just started off. I’m so impulsive, you know, I forgot how far it was. So it didn’t take me any time at all, naturally.” He waved his arms about. “Space—time—people are much too concerned about all that. Slows them down terribly.”
Gwendolyn rubbed her face. “Never mind. I should have known better than to ask. But what happened to the Rap Sheet? Can you at least give me a straight answer to that question.”
Wolfgang scratched his head. “Oh, that’s so difficult! I’m really not very good at straight answers. Not good at anything straight, actually. And it gets me in so much trouble. Like this man I met once who told me he liked straight shooters, but he wasn’t telling the truth at all. Because when I went and got a bow and started shooting arrows at him I could tell right off that he wasn’t angry at me because I was missing him but because I was shooting at him in the first place. He couldn’t fool me! I’m not stupid, you know—just crazy. But then—”
“Wolfgang!”
“Oh, dear. I’ve made you angry again. Very well, then, I’ll do my best. It was really so grand! Such heroes they were! The wizard and his apprentice—such a splendid little fellow! He’s a dwarf, you know?”
“Who’s a dwarf?”
“The wizard’s apprentice, of course. Anyway, where was I? Oh, yes—and your brother was there! And his friend, that little Ignace fellow.”
Gwendolyn’s jaw fell. “My brother? What was he doing there?”