“I am perhaps responsible for your confusion,” he admitted. “There are, it is true, excellent seals derived from the felines. And, ’tis true enough, the tiger and lion seals are the best of the lot. The seals inspirited by leopards—which are properly called ‘panther seals,’ by the way—are noticeably weaker. But this is not such a seal, Shelyid. Nay, nay, this seal is of the greatest of the seal families, I speak, of course, of the pinnipeds. For what animal soul could better inspirit a seal than a seal?”
The wizard paced back and forth, gesturing with the book in his hand.
“Within the seal seals, there are of course gradations. Weakest are the Harbor Seals. The Harp Seals are famed for—well, times presses! Suffice it to say, Shelyid, that of all the seal seals, the most potent—on this all scholars agree—are the Leopard Seals.”
He held up the relic in both hands, his face positively glowing. “So!” he cried. “At last I am shown proper respect!” A frown. “But why would such a great seal be combined with such a wretched set of daemons, glyphs and wards?” The wizard pondered for a moment, before his expression cleared.
“Of course!” he exclaimed. “I had forgot me that the relic is a Rap Sheet, long in the possession of the Cruds. No doubt it was the Angel Jimmy Jesus himself who set the daemon, glyph, ward and seal. This explains all! The grandeur of the seal, its well-nigh perfection of mutery, derives from the most outstanding characteristic—personality trait, you might say—of the Angel Jimmy Jesus, which is known even to babes in swaddling clothes.”
“He’s a total paranoid,” said Greyboar.
“Claims friends are enemies,” elaborated Ignace, “and the better the friends the more certain their enmity. Why else would they be your best friends, except to get close enough to stab you in the back?”
“Precisely!” agreed the wizard. “A classic paranoid. He actually believes that the whole world is out to get him, when all studies have shown that not more than three-fourths the global population actively seeks his death, although, in all fairness, one should add that a good three-fourths of the one-fourth remaining would certainly cheer from the sidelines as the multi-millioned mob tore him limb from skeletal limb.”
“Then why was the other stuff so rotten?” asked Shelyid. “You know—the daemon and glyph and stuff?”
” ‘Tis obvious, youth!” spoke the mage. Zulkeh turned to Greyboar and Ignace.
“Enlighten my apprentice, good sirs. What is the second most prominent characteristic of the Angel Jimmy Jesus, known to schoolboys at their desks?”
“He’s a total incompetent,” stated Greyboar.
“Worst thing ever happened to the Cruds, him being put in charge,” added Ignace. “I remember once when some Senators tried to get rid of him, there was mass demonstrations and riots in the streets of Ozar, every revolutionist and insurrectionary gathered the world over demanding he keep his job.”
“Exactly! A complete nincompoop—in all but one thing, which is keeping his mouth shut. And certainly we cannot sneer at this seal,” he mused, gazing down at the book in his hand.
“So! Let me to work! ‘Twill take hours, no doubt, for this is a challenge worthy of my science!” Happily muttering to himself, the wizard headed over to his sack and began rummaging. Soon enough he realized that rummaging in the great sack was difficult with the Rap Sheet still in his hand.
“Shelyid!” spoke the mage, extending the relic toward his apprentice, “hold this for me a moment.” Then, seeing the look of apprehension on Shelyid’s face, Zulkeh snorted. “Come, come, dwarf! I have already explained the thing is harmless!”
Gingerly, Shelyid extended his hand and took the book.
At once the great seal shattered into a thousand pieces, which fell to the floor and melted away into nothing. The Rap Sheet was open!
CHAPTER XXV.
A Paradox, Followed By a Quandary. The Wizard’s Wrath. The Wizard’s New Experience, and His Later Reflections Thereon. “Shelyid’s Wild Ride.” A Lousely Schism. The Crud’s Doom. A Parting!
“Unspeakable gnome!” oathed Zulkeh. “What have you done?”
“I didn’t do anything, master,” whined Shelyid. “I just took the thing like you gave it to me.”