“This isn’t a democracy, it’s a republic!” was the battle cry of these newcomers.
But the victory of the Republic was short-lived, for it was but a minute or so later that four more columns of combatants entered the fray, and the advocates of the Republic were soon set into flight no less undignified than that of their scruffier cousins of the Democracy.
From the south marched two columns, one consisting of men dressed in aristocratic finery, the other of men in robes. Above the first column floated a banner depicting an eagle clutching a sword. Above the second, a banner depicting an owl clutching a quill pen.
The two columns fell to blows before they even reached the square.
“Power to the pure of blood!” cried the eagle-bannered ones, whom I deduced to be the Aristocracy of the Sword.
“Power to the keen of mind!” came the response, from those I took to be the Aristocracy of the Robe.
It was quite the affray. Evenly matched, at first, polo mallets against heavy ledgers, but then the Aristocracy of the Robe unleashed their secret weapon. Bottles of ink were hurled at the Aristocracy of the Sword, who soon fled in a panic, screeching in dismay at the ruin of their finery.
The crowd of spectators roared their approval of this cunning stratagem. The Aristocrats of the Robe, now in possession of the Square, strutted about, proclaiming the enactment into law of a multitude of measures, none of which I could comprehend because of the complexity of the language involved.
“I thought my Groutch was good,” I whispered to Gwendolyn, “but I can’t understand anything of what they’re saying.”
“Who can? Lawyers and bureaucrats, the lot of them. Boring sods, the Aristocrats of the Robe. Although I admit the ink bottles were a stroke of genius. Won’t work against—and here they come! The Doges!”
Sure enough, into the square from the west came a small body of men—hardly a column, so few in number they were. Their garments were luxurious. Rings glittered on every finger. The Aristocracy of the Robe cried out their displeasure and swarmed toward them, waving their staplers and quills in a most martial manner. But the Doges stood their ground.
“Oligarchy!” they bellowed. “Money rules the world!” And so saying, they hauled forth large sacks and began strewing gold coin about with great vigor. More than a few Aristocrats of the Robe broke ranks, then, scooping up handfuls of coins and taking their side by the Doges, bowing and scraping. Several Aristocrats of the Sword came charging back into the square and did likewise. Then, but moments later, a veritable horde of people came pouring into the square, among whom I recognized many Democrats and Republicans. These, too, collected their coins and flocked to the rapidly growing forces of the Oligarchy. The remaining Aristocrats of the Robe croaked in despair and retreated.
“Well,” I said, “it looks as if the Doges are going to carry the day.”
Gwendolyn and Mario looked at me like I was a cretin.
“Nonsense!” snorted Mario. “Always looks that way, early in a civil war. Money’ll collect a horde about, but they’ve no discipline. No stomach for the long struggle.”
It could not be denied. For at that very moment entered—by surprise, leaping out of doors and windows from a large adjacent building—the resolute warriors of the Monarchy, led by the King himself.
“O noble stroke!” cried Mario. Gwendolyn was clapping her hands with excitement. The crowd was roaring with vast approbation.
A great howl of fear and fury rose from the motley ranks of the Oligarchy, as the champions of the Monarchy lay about them with rigorous blows of their scepters. “Divine right! Divine right!” bellowed the newcomers.
But then, just as the forces of the Doges seemed on the verge of collapse before the disciplined onslaught of the Monarchy, another great roar from the crowd indicated the advance of yet another party into the fray. “The Rabble! The Rabble!” came the cry from many voices.
A disorganized but energetic crowd poured into the square, brandishing torches and nooses, hallooing various war cries, of which “Anarchy!” and “Chaos and Confusion!” figured prominently. These new arrivals attacked everyone else indiscriminately.