” ‘What think you, gentle folk?’ he went on, looking at us all with a benign gaze, ‘is this not further proof of God’s beneficence?’
“Suddenly the wizard spoke. ‘The parson has failed to grasp the historic significance of the occasion. The truth of the matter lies elsewhere, not readily apparent to the untutored intellect. For look you, sirrahs and madame, who was that septuagenarian thus timely squashed?’ He peered at the coach’s passengers most intently.
” ‘Yes! It was none other than he!’ exclaimed the wizard. ‘Even in that brief glimpse I recognized him.’ ‘Who?’ demanded Sir Carayne. ‘ “Who?” you said,’ spoke the wizard. ‘And well might you ask, for I see by your thews you are an ignorant man. Well, let me tell you, sirrah, that now deceased deformity was none other than Stromo Sfondrati-Piccolomini.’
” ‘Not really?’ gasped the cleric. ‘Yes, yes,’ continued the wizard. ‘Not—?’ exclaimed the cleric, half rising from his seat in excitement. ‘Yes, yes, I say—even he! The author of The Beggar’s Banquet!’
” ‘Astonishing!’ cried the parson, falling back in his seat; he raised his hands most high. ‘O Lord, blessed is Thy spirit, for in this recent crushing, Thy majesty is revealed as was Thy will!’
” ‘Who is—was—this fellow, this Tromo Svunder—whatever his name?’ demanded Sir Carayne.
” ‘And well should you ask,’ approved the cleric, ‘for this saint’s life is an example for all mankind. Know, Sir Carayne, that Stromo Sfondrati-Piccolomini, of the famed scholarly clan of that name, was a man whose blessed nature in God’s eyes is proven by his life. As a youth he entered the field of metallurgy, the which he rapidly revolutionized—or so, at least, I am told, though I know little of these matters myself—yet—’
” ‘Bah!’ oathed the wizard. ‘Who does not know Stromo’s Hammer and Tong is an ignoramus; moreover—’
” ‘—yes, yes, no doubt!—’ expostulated the cleric, ‘but the more interesting and uplifting feature of this saint’s life is its later portion. For know, sirrahs and madame, that at the prime of his career, Stromo injured himself in a demonstration of the smithing art before a lecture hall full of students.’ ‘Oh poor man!’ cried La Contessa, clutching her bosom.
” ‘ ‘Tis true, I fear,’ said the cleric. ‘Smashed his knee with a single blow of the hammer. He was, needless to say, disgraced; stripped of his post; cast out; disowned by his clan; but he saw the light, and sought to redeem himself in the eyes of God. Thus did he crawl to Goimr and give himself up to a life of beggary. But he did not satisfy himself with the expiation of his sin merely by this travail, oh no!—as well he seized the opportunity to further the pursuit of knowledge and the Lord’s work by publishing his book, The Beggar’s Banquet, which plumbs the controversial question of the dietary habits of beggars.’
” ‘Bah!’ sneered the knight.
” ‘But you are wrong, Sir Carayne,’ protested the parson. ‘For this was no mere monograph, no paltry academic investigation filled with charts and graphs—no! no! a hundred times, no! ‘Twas a profoundly religious work, whose entire purpose was the demonstration that the existence of beggars and their noxious diet is one of God’s great boons to humanity.’
” ‘ “How so?” you ask,’ he continued,” said Barley; then—” ‘And well you might, for ‘twould appear, on the face of things, a paradox that God’s boundless mercy should take the form of a mutilated dotard scrabbling midst garbage-strewn streets for the scant sustenance of his daily life—’ ‘—Bah!’ oathed the wizard; ‘No paradox, but a conundrum—’ ‘—kicked about by ruffians, tormented by mongrels—is this not passing strange?’
” ‘Not at all!’ snorted the knight.”
“Natural order of things,” agreed the Director gruffly.
” ‘Yet,’ went on the cleric, ‘in this seeming mystery the genius and the pure spirit of Stromo, now cleansed by his suffering, perceived the truth. For, as he himself explained, this was not evidence of an ethical paradox but rather the deeper proof of God’s justice.’
” ‘But therein lay not the source of his genius,’ countered the wizard. ‘By no means. The demonstration that this is the best of all possible worlds is a commonplace; any student not hopelessly stupid in his mind can prove it by any one of several theorems. No, rather the brilliance of his treatise is found in the specifics of his study of the beggar’s diet, for therein he established—with a scrupulous logic which remains an example to all philosophes—that the heretofore presumed connection between social status and diet is subject to the most precise and detailed demonstration, in that through an examination of a man’s diet we can determine how he arrives at his social status. This was his contribution to science.’