Another Fine Myth by Robert Asprin

“Why?” I demanded.

“I probably shouldn’t tell you this,” she smiled, “but because of me.”

Only her firm grip on me kept me from dislodging her with a shove.

“You? What about you?”

“Well, they’re an awfully greedy bunch. One way or another, they’re going to make some money from this encounter. Normally, you’d give the money to me and I’d cut them in for a share. In the unlikely event that doesn’t work, they’ll pretend to be defending my honor and beat it out of you.”

“But you don’t understand! I don’t have any money.”

“I know that. That’s why you’re going to get into a fight, see?”

“If you knew I didn’t have any money, why did you….”

“Oh, I didn’t know when I first stopped you. I found out just now when I searched you.”

“Searched me?”

“Oh, come on, handsome. There’s more ways to search a person than with your hands,” she winked knowingly at me.

“Well, can’t you tell them I don’t have any money?”

“They wouldn’t believe me. The only way they’d be convinced is searching you themselves.”

“I’d be willing to let them if that’s what it takes to convince them.”

“I don’t think you would,” she smiled, stroking my face with her hand. “One of the things they’ll look for is if you swallowed your money.”

“Oh!” I said, “I see what you mean. But I can’t fight them. I don’t have any weapons.”

“You have that little knife under your shirt at the small of your back,” she pointed out.

I had forgotten about my skinning knife. I started to believe in her no-hands frisking technique.

“But I’ve never been in a fight before.”