Another Fine Myth by Robert Asprin

I made up my mind. Savior or not, I’d rather he went back where he came from.

“Well, if there was anything I could do. . ..”

“There is, Skeeve, my boy.” Aahz was suddenly all purrs and teeth again. “All you have to do is fire up the old cauldron or whatever and remove this spell. Then we can each go our separate ways and….”

“I can’t do that.”

“Okay, kid,” his smile was a little more forced. “I’ll stick around until you’re on your feet. I mean, what are friends for?”

“That’s not it.”

“What do you want? Blood?” Aahz was no longer smiling. “If you’re trying to hold me up, I’ll….”

“You don’t understand!” I interrupted desperately. “I can’t do it because I can’t do it! I don’t know how!”

That stopped him.

“Hmm. That could be a problem. Well, tell you what. Instead of pulling the spell here, what say you just pop me back to my own dimension and I’ll get someone there to take it off.”

“I can’t do that either. Remember, I told you I’d never even heard of….”

“Well, what can you do?!”

“I can levitate objects … well, small objects.”

“And….” he encouraged.

“And … urn … I can light a candle.”

“Light a candle?”

“Well… almost.”

Aahz sank heavily into a chair and hid his face in his hands for several minutes. I waited for him to think of something.

“Kid, have you got anything in this dump to drink?” he asked finally.

“I’ll get you some water.”

“I said something to drink, not something to wash in!”

“Oh. Yessir!”

I hastened to bring him a goblet of wine from the small keg Garkin kept, hoping he wouldn’t notice the vessel wasn’t particularly clean.