You don’t trust me without promises; I don’t give promises. That ends it and I am
sorry the matter ever came up. I did not bring it up. Captain, I did not come here
to bed your ladies; I came to say goodbye and thank you to a whole family all of
whom had been most generous and hospitable to me. I have not intended to disturb
your household. I’m sorry, sir.’
`Ted, don’t be so damned stiff-necked. You sound just like my father-in-law when he
gets his back up. You have not disturbed my household. You have pleased my wife
enormously and for that I thank you. And I know that you were trapped by her; she
told me months ago what she intended to do to you if she ever got you alone. This
discussion is just over Carol, who has no claim on you. If you don’t want her under
what I see as minimum protection for her welfare, then let her stick to boys her own
age. As she should.’
`Agreed, sir.’
`Damn it; knock off the sirs; you’re in bed with my wife. And me.’
`Oh, dear!’
`Mo, it’s the only sensible solution.’
`Men! Always doing what you call “sensible” and always so wrong-headed and stubborn!
Briney, don’t you realise that Carol doesn’t give a hoot about promises? She just
wants to spread her legs and close her eyes and pope that she catches. If she
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doesn’t catch, a month from now she’s going to cry her eyes out. If she does catch,
well, I trust Theodore and so does Carol.’
Briney said, `Oh, for God’s sake, Mo! Ted, ordinarily she is quite easy to live
with.’
Theodore said, `Maureen, you said, “A month from now she’s going to cry her eyes
out.” Do you know her calendar?’
`Why, yes. Well, maybe. Let me think.’ My girls kept their own calendars… but old
snoopy Mama kept her eyes open, just in case. `Today is Wednesday. If I recall
correctly, Carol is doe again three weeks from tomorrow. Why?’
‘Do you remember the thumb rule I gave you to ensure, uh, “ringing the cash
register” you called it.’
`Yes, indeed. You said to count fourteen days from onset of menses, then hit that
day. And the day before and the day after, if possible.’
`Yes, that is how to get pregnant, a thumb role. But it works the other way, too.
How not to get pregnant. If a woman is regular. If she is not abnormal in some way.
Is Carol regular?’
‘Like a pendulum. Twenty-eight days.’
`Brian, stipulating that Maureen’s recollection of Carol’s calendar is accurate -‘
`I would bet on it. Mo hasn’t made a mistake in arithmetic since she found out about
mo and two.’
` – if so, Carol can’t get pregnant this week… and I’ll be on the high seas the
next time she is fertile. But this week a whole platoon of Marines could not knock
her up.’
Briney looked thoughtful. `I want to talk to Ira. If he agrees with you, I’ll drop
all objections.’
`No.’
`What do you mean “No”? No rules. Relax.’
‘No, sir. You don’t trust and I don’t promise. The situation is unchanged.’
I was ready to burst into tears from sheer exasperation. Men’s minds do not work the
way ours do and we will never understand them. Yet we can’t get along without them.
I was saved from making a spectacle of myself by a knock on the door. Nancy.
`May I come in?’
`Come in, Nance!’ Briney called out.
`Come in, dear,’ I echoed.
She came in and I thought how lovely she looked. She was freshly shaved that
morning, in preparation for a swap that Nancy and Jonathan had asked for – Jonathan
into my bed, Nancy into, Theodore’s. Theodore had hesitated – afraid of hurting my
feelings – but I had insisted, knowing what a treat our Nancy would be for Theodore
(and Theodore for Nancy!)
(And Jonathan for Maureen; I was flattered enormously that Jonathan had suggested
it.)
Father had taken the rest of my zoo to the Al G. Barnes Circus, playing in