for delinquent girls, and you would hate every minute of it. Donald, if you were
lucky, they might try you as a legal infant and do to you something like they would
do to Priscilla – reform school until you are twenty-one, then registration and
supervision as a sex offender. Or they might decide to try you as an adult –
statutory rape and incest, and about twenty years at hard labour and then
supervision the rest of your life. Do you know that, dear ones?’
Priscilla did not answer; she was crying. Donald said gruffly, ‘Yes, we know that.’
‘Well? What’s the answer?’
‘But, Mother, we love each other. Priss loves me and I love Priss.’
‘I know you do and I respect your love. But you didn’t answer me; you avoided
answering. What is the answer to your problem?’
He took a deep breath, let it out in a long sigh. ‘I guess we’ve got to quit.’
I patted bis ribs. ‘Donald, you are a gallant knight and I’m proud of you. But now I
must ask a frank question. When you started masturbating, did you ever swear off?
Resolve never to do it again?’
‘Uh, yes.’
‘How long did you stay stopped?’
He answered sheepishly, ‘About a day and a half.’
‘How long are you going to leave Priscilla alone, when you happen on a perfect,
utterly safe opportunity and she rubs up against you and tells you not to be a
sissy, and she smells good and feels even better?’
‘Why, Mama, I wouldn’t do that!’
Donald heaved a quiet sigh. ‘The hell you wouldn’t, Slugger. You have, near enough.
Mama, you’ve got me. What do you do? Nail me into a barrel? Or send me to Kemper?’
‘Kemper isn’t far enough; it had better be the Citadel. Children, that’s not the
answer. Instead – I really meant it when I said I wasn’t angry. Let’s all engage in
a conspiracy to keep you two from being hurt. First, what contraception are you
using?’
I had addressed the question to both of them. There was an extended silence, as each
(I think) waited for the other to answer.
At last Donald said, ‘We had some rubbers. But they’re all gone and I don’t have any
money.’
(Oh, my God!) ‘A clear reason why you should include me in your plans. There are
both rubbers and fishskins in this house, and you can always have all you want.
Priscilla, when did you menstruate last? Starting date?’
‘On Monday the fourteenth, so -‘
No, it wasn’t, Priss. The fourteenth was the day we went to Fort Worth: And we
passed the French consulate -‘
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‘Trade mission.’
‘Well, something French, and they had a lot of bunting and flags out because it was
Bastille Day, and you certainly didn’t start the curse that day because – well, you
remember. So it must have been the following Monday. If it was a Monday:
I said, ‘Priscilla, don’t you keep a calendar?’
‘Of course I do! Always.’
‘Will you run and get it, please? Lets turn on a light’
‘Uh – It’s in Dallas.’
(Oh, damn!) ‘Well, I don’t want to tall Marian this late at night. Perhaps you two
can compare notes and be certain and we won’t have to call. Priscilla, do you know
why I want that date?’
‘Well, I think I do. You want to count up and tell if I’m fertile tonight’
‘Good. Now both of you listen carefully. Marching orders. Laws of the Medes and the
Persians, chiselled in stone. Once we figure it out, Priscilla, you will sleep with
me the day you ovulate and three days each side… and each month you will stay in
my sight during your fertile week. All the time. Every minute. We aren’t going to
trust to good resolutions.’
I went on, ‘I’m not moralising; I’m just being practical. The other three weeks of
each month I will not try to keep you two apart. But you will use fishskins, not
rubbers, and you will use them every time… because there are thousands of Catholic
mothers and quite a few non-Catholic ones who depended solely on “rhythm”. You will