Heinlein, Robert A – To Sail Beyond the Sunset.txt
‘Ah, so. Hmm. And you have a grandson who is a colonel?’
‘Yes, sir.’
‘And how old are you?’
‘That depends on how you count it, Doctor. I was born on Earth in time line two of
the Fourth of July, 1882. I lived there until 1982, one century minus two weeks,
whereupon I moved to Tertius and was rejuvenated. That was fifty-two years ago by my
personal calendar. I’ve had a booster just recently, which made me younger than I
should be-I prefer to be mature rather than girlish. But I do have grandchildren,
lots of them.’
‘Interesting. Will you come down to my office with me?’
‘You think I’m out of my head.’
He was not quick to answer. ‘Let me put it this way. One of us is hallucinating.
Tests may show which one. Besides that, I have an exceptionally cynical office nurse
who can, without tests, almost certainly spot which one of us has slipped his
clutch. Will you come?’
‘Yes, certainly. And thank you, sir. But I’ve got to find some clothes first. I
can’t very well leave this room until I do.’ (I wasn’t certain that this was true.
That crowd that had just left obviously did not have the attitudes on ‘indecent
exposure’ that were commonplace in Missouri when I was born. On the other hand,
where I now lived on Tertius nudity at home was unremarkable and it didn’t cause any
excitement even in the most public places – like overalls at a wedding: unusual but
nothing to stare at.)
‘Oh. But Festival is about to start.’
‘”Festival?” Doctor, I’m a stranger in a strange land; that is what I’ve been trying
to say.’
‘Uh – Our biggest holiday is about to start. Starts at sundown, theoretically, but
there are many who jump the gun. By now the boulevard out front will have quite a
percentage of naked people, already drunk and looking for partners.’
‘Partners for what?’ I tried to sound innocent. I’m not much for orgies. All those
knees and elbows –
‘What do you think? It’s a fertility rite, my dear girl, to ensure fat crops. And
fat bellies for that matter. By now, any virgins left in this fair city are locked
up.’ He added, ‘But you won’t be bothered simply going with me to my office… and I
promise I’II find you some sort of clothing. A coverall. A nurse’s uniform.
Something. Does that suit you?’
‘Thank you, Doctor. Yes!’
‘If I were you and I was still jumpy, I would look for a big beach towel in that
bathroom, and make a caftan out of it. If you can, do it in three minutes. Don’t
dilly-dally, dolly; I’ve got to get back to the grind.’
`Yessir!’ I hurried into the bathroom.
It really was a bathroom, not a refresher. When I had searched the suite for
clothing, I had noticed a stack of Turkish towels in there. Now I looked more
closely and spotted two that bulged fat in that stack. I worked one out and unfolded
it. Eureka! A towel fit for a rich South American, one at least six feet long and
three feet wide. A razor blade from the medicine chest placed a slit big enough for
my head span down the center. Now to find something, anything, to tie around my
waist.
Page 8
Heinlein, Robert A – To Sail Beyond the Sunset.txt
While I was doing this, a human head appeared in front of – in place of, rather –
the hairdryer. A head female and rather pretty. No body. During my first century
this would have made me jumpy. Today I’m used to realistic holos.
‘I’ve been trying to catch you alone,’ the head said in an organlike baritone. ‘I
speak for the Committee for Aesthetic Deletions. We seem to have caused you some
inconvenience. For that we are truly sorry.’
‘You should be! What became of that baby?’
‘Never mind the baby. We’ll be in touch.’ It flickered.
‘Hey! Wait!’ But I was talking to the hairdryer.
Dr Ridpath looked up from scratching Pixel’s chin. `Five minutes and forty seconds.’
I’m sorry to be late but I was interrupted. A head appeared and spoke to me. Does