`Who intended? I didn’t catch the name.’
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‘I said “God” but you know what I mean!’
`I do indeed. You are indulging in theology; I would rather see you take laudanum.
Maureen, when anyone talks about God’s will or God’s intentions or Nature’s
intentions if he is afraid to say “God”, I know at once that he is selling a gold
brick. To himself, in some cases, as you were just doing. To read a moral law into
the fact that about as many males are born as females is to make too much stew from
one oyster; it’s as slippery as Post hoc, propter hoc.
`As for your belief that you will never be tempted, here you are, barely dry behind
the ears and only a year past first onset of menses… and you think you know all
there is to know about the perils of sex… just as every girl your age throughout
history has thought. So go right ahead. Jump the fence with your eyes closed. Break
your husband’s heart and ruin his pride. Shame your children. Be a scandal in the
public square. Get your tubes filed with pus, then let some butcher cut them out in
some dirty back room with no ether. Go right ahead, Maureen. Count the world well
lost for love. For that’s what sloppy adultery can get you: the world lost all right
and an early grave and children who will never speak your name.’
`But, Father, I was saying that I must shun adultery; it’s too dangerous. I think I
can manage it.’ I smiled at him and recited:
‘”There was a young lady named Wilde – “‘
Father picked it up:
` “Who kept herself quite undefiled
By thinking of Jesus,
Contagious diseases,
And the dangers of having a child.”
`Yes, I know; I taught you that limerick. Maureen, you failed to mention the safest
route to prudent adultery. Yet I know that you’ve heard of it; I mentioned it the
day I tried to give you an estimate of the amount of fence jumping going on in this
county.’
`I must have missed it, Father.’
`I know I mentioned it. If you’ve just gotta – and the day might come – tell your
husband what is biting you, ask his permission, ask for his help, ask him to stand
jigger for you.’
‘Oh! Yes, you did tell me about two couples like that here in our county… but I
could never figure out who they are.’
‘I didn’t intend you to. So I threw in a few false clues.’
‘I discounted for that, sir, knowing you. But I still couldn’t guess. Father, that
seems so undignified. And wouldn’t, uh, my husband be terribly angry?’
‘He might give you a fat lip; he won’t divorce you for asking. Then he might help
you anyhow, on the sound theory that you would get into worse trouble if he says No.
And -‘ Father gave a most evil grin,` – he might discover he enjoys the role.’
`Father, I find that I’m shocked.’
`Then, get over it. Complacent husbands are common throughout history; there is a
lot of voyeur in everyone… especially in males but females weren’t left out. He
might jump at the chance to help you… because you helped him just that way, six
weeks earlier. Stood lookout for him and that young schoolteacher, then you lied
like a diploma to cover up for them. Next commandment.’
`Wait a minute, please! I want to talk about this one some more. Adultery.’
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‘And that is just what I’m not going to let you do. You think about it but not a
word out of you on this subject for at least two weeks. Next.’
‘Thou shalt not steal. I couldn’t improve that one, Father.’
‘Would you steal to feed a baby?’
‘Uh, yes.’
‘Think about other exceptions; we’ll discuss it in a year or two. But it is a good
general rule. But why won’t you steal? You’re smart; you can probably get away with
stealing all your life. Why won’t you do it?’