the majority without giggling or even smiling behind your hand.’
‘Go on.’
‘Thou shalt not make any graven image of a sort that could annoy the powers that be,
especially Mrs Grundy – and, exempli gratia, this is why your anatomy book doesn’t
show the clitoris. Mrs Grundy wouldn’t like it because she doesn’t have one.’
`Or possibly has one the size of a banana,’ my father answered, ‘but doesn’t want
anyone to find out. Censorship is never logical but, like cancer, it is dangerous to
ignore it when it shows up. Darling daughter, the purpose of the second commandment
is simply to reinforce the first. A “graven image” is any idol that could rival the
official god; it has nothing to do with sculpture or etchings. Go on.’
Page 17
Heinlein, Robert A – To Sail Beyond the Sunset.txt
`Thou shalt not take the name of thy Lord God in vain… which means don’t swear,
not even Jiminy or Golly or darn, or use any of those four-letter words, or anything
that Mother might consider vulgar. Father, there is something here that doesn’t make
sense. Why is “vagina” a good word while “cunt” is a bad word? Riddle me that.’
`Both are bad words out of your mouth, youngster, unless you are talking to me… in
which case you will use the medical Latin out of respect for my vocation and my grey
hair. You are permitted to say the Anglo-Saxon synonym under your breath if it
pleasures you.’
‘Somehow it does, and I haven’t been able to analyse why. Number four -‘
‘Just a moment. Add to number three: Thou shalt not split infinitives, or dangle
participles. Thou shalt shun solecisms. Thou shalt honour the noble English
language, speech of Shakespeare, Milton and Poe, and it will serve thee all the days
of thy life. In particular, Maureen, if 1 ever again hear you say “different than” I
will beat you about the head and shoulders with an unbated ablative absolute.’
‘Father, that was an accident! I meant to -‘
‘Excuses. Let’s hear number four.’
‘Commandment number four. Go to church on Sundays. Smile and be pleasant but don’t
be too smarmily a hypocrite. Don’t let my children, if and when I have any, play out
in front on Sunday or make too much noise out the back. Support the church by deeds
and money but not too conspicuously.’
‘Maureen, that’s well put. You’ll be a preacher’s wife yet.’
‘Oh, God, Father, I’d rather be a whore!’
‘The two are not incompatible. Continuez, ma chère enfante.’
‘Mais oui, mon cher papa. Honour thy father and thy mother where anyone can see you.
But once you leave home, live your own life. Don’t let them lead you around by the
nose. Mon papa, you phrased that one yourself… and I don’t like it much. I do
honour you, because I want to. And I don’t have anything against Mother; we just
don’t sing in the same key. But I’m grateful to her.’
‘Avoid gratitude, my dear; it can sour your stomach. After you marry and I’m dead,
are you going to invite Adele to move in with you?’
‘Uh -‘ I stopped, unable to answer.
‘Think about it. Think it through carefully, in advance… because any answer you
make in a hurry while my grave is still fresh is certain to be a wrong answer. Next
item:
‘Thou shalt not commit murder. “Murder” means killing somebody wrongfully. Other
sorts of killing come in several flavours and each sort must be analysed. I’m still
working on this one, Father.’
So am I. Just bear in mind that a person who eats meat is on the same moral level as
the butcher.’
‘Yes, sir. Thou shalt not get caught committing adultery… and that means don’t get
pregnant, don’t catch a social disease, don’t let Mrs Grundy even suspect you, and
above all don’t let your spouse find out; it would make him most unhappy… and he
could divorce you. Father, I don’t think I would ever be tempted by adultery. If God
had intended a woman to have more than one man he would have supplied more men…
instead of just enough to go around.’