some silly disease, or impregnated a twelve-year-old moron with big breasts and a
small brain, or got caught in a public scandal. I had never had to cope with this
before; either Brian, or Father, or both, had taught my sons.
Patrick was patient with me.
Finally he said, `Mama, is’ there something special you want to ask me? I’ll try.
Auntie B’Lou gave me the same examination she gave Alice and Doris… and I missed
only one question.’
(Shut my mouth.) ‘What was the question you missed?’
‘I couldn’t define “ectopic pregnancy”. But I can now. Shall I?’
‘Never mind. Did Aunt Betty Lou or Uncle Nelson discuss the Ira Howard Foundation
with you?’
Some. When Alice started courting, Uncle Nelson got me aside and told me to mind my
own business and keep my mouth shut… then to see him again when I wanted to start
courting myself. If I did. I didn’t think I would. But I did. So I did… and he
told me about baby subsidies. For Howard babies. For Howard babies only.’
‘Yes. Well, dear, Aunt Betty Lou and Uncle Nelson seem to have told you everything I
could tell you. Uh… Did Uncle Nelson ever show you the Forberg etchings?’
‘No.’
(Damn it, Briney; why aren’t you here? This is your job.) `Then I must show them to
you. If I can find them.’
‘Auntie B’Lou showed them to me. They’re in my room.’ He smiled shyly. ‘I like to
look at them. Shall I get them for you?’
‘No. Well, at your convenience. Patrick, you seem to know all about sex a boy your
age needs to know. Is there anything I can tell you? Or do for you?’
‘Uh… I guess not. Well – Auntie B’Lou used to keep me supplied with fishskins. I
promised her that I would always use them… but Walgren’s won’t sell them to anyone
my a age,’
(What else has Betty Lou dope for him? Is intercourse with an aunt incest?
Correction: is an aunt-in-law incest? They are certainly no blood relation. Maureen,
mind your own business.)
‘All right, I’ll keep you supplied. Uh, Patrick, where have you been using them? Not
who, but where?’
‘Right now I only know one girl that well… and her mother is very fussy. Her
mother has told her to do it only at home, in their basement playroom. Or else.’
(I did not ask about ‘Or else’.) ‘Her mother seems very sensible. Well, dear, you
can do it safely here at home, too. But nowhere else, I hope Not in Swope Park, for
example. Too risky.’ (Maureen, who are you to talk?)
All three were good children and I had no trouble with them. Aside from some mild
supervision the household ran itself and I had plenty of time for school. By the
Page 165
Heinlein, Robert A – To Sail Beyond the Sunset.txt
time Susan married in August 1952 I had not one but four degrees: bachelor of arts,
bachelor of laws, master of science, and doctor of philosophy. Preposterous!
But here is how the rabbit got into the hat:
I could not claim a high school education because a high school diploma dated 1898
would have been horribly inconsistent with my claimed Howard age (forty-four in
1946). Oh, whenever possible I listed my age as ‘over 21’ but, if pinned down, I
claimed my Howard age and avoided situations that could possibly tie me into
anything that happened before about 1910. Mostly I did this by keeping my lips
zipped – no ‘Did you know so-and-so?’ and no ‘Remember whens’.
So, when I registered at KCU ir was not as a freshman, but as a special student.
Then I asked for advanced standing and degree-seeking status, through examinations,
and did not boggle at the high fees quoted to me for special examinations to
discover just where I stood in English and American literature, American history,
world history, mathematics, Latin, Greek, French, German, Spanish, anatomy,
physiology, chemistry, physics, and general science. During the remainder of that
semester I took examinations steadily, cramming for the next one at night and
sometimes attending lectures across the boulevard for dessert.
Toward the beginning of the summer session I was called to the office of the Dean of