Now, I don’t want to sit down just in this way. I have been talking with
so much levity that I have said no serious thing, and you are really no
better or wiser, although Robert Buchanan has suggested that I am a
person who deals in wisdom. I have said nothing which would make you
better than when you came here.
I should be sorry to sit down without having said one serious word which
you can carry home and relate to your children and the old people who are
not able to get away.
And this is just a little maxim which has saved me from many a difficulty
and many a disaster, and in times of tribulation and uncertainty has come
to my rescue, as it shall to yours if you observe it as I do day and
night.
I always use it in an emergency, and you can take it home as a legacy
from me, and it is “When in doubt, tell the truth.”
THE ASCOT GOLD CUP
The news of Mr. Clemens’s arrival in England in June, 1907, was
announced in the papers with big headlines. Immediately
following the announcement was the news–also with big
headlines–that the Ascot Gold Cup had been stolen the same
day. The combination, MARK TWAIN ARRIVES-ASCOT CUP STOLEN,
amused the public. The Lord Mayor of London gave a banquet at
the Mansion House in honor of Mr. Clemens.
I do assure you that I am not so dishonest as I look. I have been so
busy trying to rehabilitate my honor about that Ascot Cup that I have had
no time to prepare a speech.
I was not so honest in former days as I am now, but I have always been
reasonably honest. Well, you know how a man is influenced by his
surroundings. Once upon a time I went to a public meeting where the
oratory of a charitable worker so worked on my feelings that, in common
with others, I would have dropped something substantial in the hat–if it
had come round at that moment.
The speaker had the power of putting those vivid pictures before one.
We were all affected. That was the moment for the hat. I would have put
two hundred dollars in. Before he had finished I could have put in four
hundred dollars. I felt I could have filled up a blank check–with
somebody else’s name–and dropped it in.
Well, now, another speaker got up, and in fifteen minutes damped my
spirit; and during the speech of the third speaker all my enthusiasm went
away. When at last the hat came round I dropped in ten cents–and took
out twenty-five.
I came over here to get the honorary degree from Oxford, and I would have
encompassed the seven seas for an honor like that–the greatest honor
that has ever fallen to my share. I am grateful to Oxford for conferring
that honor upon me, and I am sure my country appreciates it, because
first and foremost it is an honor to my country.
And now I am going home again across the sea. I am in spirit young but
in the flesh old, so that it is unlikely that when I go away I shall ever
see England again. But I shall go with the recollection of the generous
and kindly welcome I have had.
I suppose I must say “Good-bye.” I say it not with my lips only, but
from the heart.
THE SAVAGE CLUB DINNER
A portrait of Mr. Clemens, signed by all the members of the
club attending the dinner, was presented to him, July 6, 1907,
and in submitting the toast “The Health of Mark Twain” Mr. J.
Scott Stokes recalled the fact that he had read parts of Doctor
Clemens’s works to Harold Frederic during Frederic’s last
illness.
MR. CHAIRMAN AND FELLOW-SAVAGES,–I am very glad indeed to have that
portrait. I think it is the best one that I have ever had, and there
have been opportunities before to get a good photograph. I have sat to
photographers twenty-two times to-day. Those sittings added to those
that have preceded them since I have been in Europe–if we average at