Mark Twain’s Speeches by Mark Twain

dump down yonder. I didn’t go. I saw that dump. I saw that thing when

I was coming in on the steamer, and I didn’t go because I was diffident,

sentimentally diffident, about going and looking at that thing again–

that great, long, bony thing; it looked just like Mr. Rogers’s foot.

The chairman says Mr. Rogers is full of practical wisdom, and he is.

It is intimated here that he is a very ingenious man, and he, is a very

competent financier. Maybe he is now, but it was not always so. I know

lots of private things in his life which people don’t know, and I know

how he started; and it was not a very good start. I could have done

better myself. The first time he crossed the Atlantic he had just made

the first little strike in oil, and he was so young he did not like to

ask questions. He did not like to appear ignorant. To this day he don’t

like to appear ignorant, but he can look as ignorant as anybody.

On board the ship they were betting on the run of the ship, betting a

couple of shillings, or half a crown, and they proposed that this youth

from the oil regions should bet on the run of the ship. He did not like

to ask what a half-crown was, and he didn’t know; but rather than be

ashamed of himself he did bet half a crown on the run of the ship, and in

bed he could not sleep. He wondered if he could afford that outlay in

case he lost. He kept wondering over it, and said to himself: “A king’s

crown must be worth $20,000, so half a crown would cost $10,000.”

He could not afford to bet away $10,000 on the run of the ship, so he

went up to the stakeholder and gave him $150 to let him off.

I like to hear Mr. Rogers complimented. I am not stingy in compliments

to him myself. Why, I did it to-day when I sent his wife a telegram to

comfort her. That is the kind of person I am. I knew she would be

uneasy about him. I knew she would be solicitous about what he might do

down here, so I did it to quiet her and to comfort her. I said he was

doing well for a person out of practice. There is nothing like it.

He is like I used to be. There were times when I was careless–careless

in my dress when I got older. You know how uncomfortable your wife can

get when you are going away without her superintendence. Once when my

wife could not go with me (she always went with me when she could–

I always did meet that kind of luck), I was going to Washington once, a

long time ago, in Mr. Cleveland’s first administration, and she could not

go; but, in her anxiety that I should not desecrate the house, she made

preparation. She knew that there was to be a reception of those authors

at the White House at seven o’clock in the evening. She said, “If I

should tell you now what I want to ask of you, you would forget it before

you get to Washington, and, therefore, I have written it on a card, and

you will find it in your dress–vest pocket when you are dressing at the

Arlington–when you are dressing to see the President.” I never thought

of it again until I was dressing, and I felt in that pocket and took it

out, and it said, in a kind of imploring way, “Don’t wear your arctics in

the White House.”

You complimented Mr. Rogers on his energy, his foresightedness,

complimented him in various ways, and he has deserved those compliments,

although I say it myself; and I enjoy them all. There is one side of Mr.

Rogers that has not been mentioned. If you will leave that to me I will

touch upon that. There was a note in an editorial in one of the Norfolk

papers this morning that touched upon that very thing, that hidden side

of Mr. Rogers, where it spoke of Helen Keller and her affection for Mr.

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