Mark Twain’s Speeches by Mark Twain

up their verbs. Now a verb has a hard time enough of it in this world

when it’s all together. It’s downright inhuman to split it up. But

that’s just what those Germans do. They take part of a verb and put it

down here, like a stake, and they take the other part of it and put it

away over yonder like another stake, and between these two limits they

just shovel in German. I maintain that there is no necessity for

apologizing for a man who helped in a small way to stop such mutilation.

We have heard a discussion to-night on the disappearance of literature.

That’s no new thing. That’s what certain kinds of literature have been

doing for several years. The fact is, my friends, that the fashion in

literature changes, and the literary tailors have to change their cuts or

go out of business. Professor Winchester here, if I remember fairly

correctly what he said, remarked that few, if any, of the novels produced

to-day would live as long as the novels of Walter Scott. That may be his

notion. Maybe he is right; but so far as I am concerned, I don’t care if

they don’t.

Professor Winchester also said something about there being no modern

epics like Paradise Lost. I guess he’s right. He talked as if he was

pretty familiar with that piece of literary work, and nobody would

suppose that he never had read it. I don’t believe any of you have ever

read Paradise Lost, and you don’t want to. That’s something that you

just want to take on trust. It’s a classic, just as Professor Winchester

says, and it meets his definition of a classic–something that everybody

wants to have read and nobody wants to read.

Professor Trent also had a good deal to say about the disappearance of

literature. He said that Scott would outlive all his critics. I guess

that’s true. The fact of the business is, you’ve got to be one of two

ages to appreciate Scott. When you’re eighteen you can read Ivanhoe, and

you want to wait until you are ninety to read some of the rest. It takes

a pretty well-regulated, abstemious critic to live ninety years.

But as much as these two gentlemen have talked about the disappearance of

literature, they didn’t say anything about my books. Maybe they think

they’ve disappeared. If they do, that just shows their ignorance on the

general subject of literature. I am not as young as I was several years

ago, and maybe I’m not so fashionable, but I’d be willing to take my

chances with Mr. Scott to-morrow morning in selling a piece of literature

to the Century Publishing Company. And I haven’t got much of a pull

here, either. I often think that the highest compliment ever paid to my

poor efforts was paid by Darwin through President Eliot, of Harvard

College. At least, Eliot said it was a compliment, and I always take the

opinion of great men like college presidents on all such subjects as

that.

I went out to Cambridge one day a few years ago and called on President

Eliot. In the course of the conversation he said that he had just

returned from England, and that he was very much touched by what he

considered the high compliment Darwin was paying to my books, and he went

on to tell me something like this:

“Do you know that there is one room in Darwin’s house, his bedroom, where

the housemaid is never allowed to touch two things? One is a plant he is

growing and studying while it grows” (it was one of those insect-

devouring plants which consumed bugs and beetles and things for the

particular delectation of Mr. Darwin) “and the other some books that lie

on the night table at the head of his bed. They are your books, Mr.

Clemens, and Mr. Darwin reads them every night to lull him to sleep.”

My friends, I thoroughly appreciated that compliment, and considered it

the highest one that was ever paid to me. To be the means of soothing to

sleep a brain teeming with bugs and squirming things like Darwin’s was

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