Mark Twain’s Speeches by Mark Twain

that rate–must have numbered one hundred to two hundred sittings. Out

of all those there ought to be some good photographs. This is the best I

have had, and I am glad to have your honored names on it. I did not know

Harold Frederic personally, but I have heard a great deal about him, and

nothing that was not pleasant and nothing except such things as lead a

man to honor another man and to love him. I consider that it is a

misfortune of mine that I have never had the luck to meet him, and if any

book of mine read to him in his last hours made those hours easier for

him and more comfortable, I am very glad and proud of that. I call to

mind such a case many years ago of an English authoress, well known in

her day, who wrote such beautiful child tales, touching and lovely in

every possible way. In a little biographical sketch of her I found that

her last hours were spent partly in reading a book of mine, until she was

no longer able to read. That has always remained in my mind, and I have

always cherished it as one of the good things of my life. I had read

what she had written, and had loved her for what she had done.

Stanley apparently carried a book of mine feloniously away to Africa,

and I have not a doubt that it had a noble and uplifting influence there

in the wilds of Africa–because on his previous journeys he never carried

anything to read except Shakespeare and the Bible. I did not know of

that circumstance. I did not know that he had carried a book of mine.

I only noticed that when he came back he was a reformed man. I knew

Stanley very well in those old days. Stanley was the first man who ever

reported a lecture of mine, and that was in St. Louis. When I was down

there the next time to give the same lecture I was told to give them

something fresh, as they had read that in the papers. I met Stanley here

when he came back from that first expedition of his which closed with the

finding of Livingstone. You remember how he would break out at the

meetings of the British Association, and find fault with what people

said, because Stanley had notions of his own, and could not contain them.

They had to come out or break him up–and so he would go round and

address geographical societies. He was always on the warpath in those

days, and people always had to have Stanley contradicting their geography

for them and improving it. But he always came back and sat drinking beer

with me in the hotel up to two in the morning, and he was then one of the

most civilized human beings that ever was.

I saw in a newspaper this evening a reference to an interview which

appeared in one of the papers the other day, in which the interviewer

said that I characterized Mr. Birrell’s speech the other day at the

Pilgrims’ Club as “bully.” Now, if you will excuse me, I never use slang

to an interviewer or anybody else. That distresses me. Whatever I said

about Mr. Birrell’s speech was said in English, as good English as

anybody uses. If I could not describe Mr. Birrell’s delightful speech

without using slang I would not describe it at all. I would close my

mouth and keep it closed, much as it would discomfort me.

Now that comes of interviewing a man in the first person, which is an

altogether wrong way to interview him. It is entirely wrong because none

of you, I, or anybody else, could interview a man–could listen to a man

talking any length of time and then go off and reproduce that talk in the

first person. It can’t be done. What results is merely that the

interviewer gives the substance of what is said and puts it in his own

language and puts it in your mouth. It will always be either better

language than you use or worse, and in my case it is always worse.

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