Mark Twain’s Speeches by Mark Twain

final flower of its seven centuries; I hope it may go on for seven ages

longer.

DIE SCHRECKEN DER DEUTSCHEN SPRACHE [THE HORRORS OF THE GERMAN LANGUAGE]

ADDRESS TO THE VIENNA PRESS CLUB, NOVEMBER 21, 1897,

DELIVERED IN GERMAN [Here in literal translation]

It has me deeply touched, my gentlemen, here so hospitably received to

be. From colleagues out of my own profession, in this from my own home

so far distant land. My heart is full of gratitude, but my poverty of

German words forces me to greater economy of expression. Excuse you, my

gentlemen, that I read off, what I you say will. [But he didn’t read].

The German language speak I not good, but have numerous connoisseurs me

assured that I her write like an angel. Maybe–maybe–I know not. Have

till now no acquaintance with the angels had. That comes later–when it

the dear God please–it has no hurry.

Since long, my gentlemen, have I the passionate longing nursed a speech

on German to hold, but one has me not permitted. Men, who no feeling for

the art had, laid me ever hindrance in the way and made naught my desire

–sometimes by excuses, often by force. Always said these men to me:

“Keep you still, your Highness! Silence! For God’s sake seek another

way and means yourself obnoxious to make.”

In the present case, as usual it is me difficult become, for me the

permission to obtain. The committee sorrowed deeply, but could me the

permission not grant on account of a law which from the Concordia demands

she shall the German language protect. Du liebe Zeit! How so had one to

me this say could–might–dared–should? I am indeed the truest friend

of the German language–and not only now, but from long since–yes,

before twenty years already. And never have I the desire had the noble

language to hurt; to the contrary, only wished she to improve–I would

her only reform. It is the dream of my life been. I have already visits

by the various German governments paid and for contracts prayed. I am

now to Austria in the same task come. I would only some changes effect.

I would only the language method–the luxurious, elaborate construction

compress, the eternal parenthesis suppress, do away with, annihilate; the

introduction of more than thirteen subjects in one sentence forbid; the

verb so far to the front pull that one it without a telescope discover

can. With one word, my gentlemen, I would your beloved language simplify

so that, my gentlemen, when you her for prayer need, One her yonder-up

understands.

I beseech you, from me yourself counsel to let, execute these mentioned

reforms. Then will you an elegant language possess, and afterward, when

you some thing say will, will you at least yourself understand what you

said had. But often nowadays, when you a mile-long sentence from you

given and you yourself somewhat have rested, then must you have a

touching inquisitiveness have yourself to determine what you actually

spoken have. Before several days has the correspondent of a local paper

a sentence constructed which hundred and twelve words contain, and

therein were seven parentheses smuggled in, and the subject seven times

changed. Think you only, my gentlemen, in the course of the voyage of a

single sentence must the poor, persecuted, fatigued subject seven times

change position!

Now, when we the mentioned reforms execute, will it no longer so bad be.

Doch noch eins. I might gladly the separable verb also a little bit

reform. I might none do let what Schiller did: he has the whole history

of the Thirty Years’ War between the two members of a separable verb in-

pushed. That has even Germany itself aroused, and one has Schiller the

permission refused the History of the Hundred Years’ War to compose–God

be it thanked! After all these reforms established be will, will the

German language the noblest and the prettiest on the world be.

Since to you now, my gentlemen, the character of my mission known is,

beseech I you so friendly to be and to me your valuable help grant.

Mr. Potzl has the public believed make would that I to Vienna come am in

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