A TRAMP ABROAD By Mark Twain

The bride fetched a swoop with her fingers from one end

of the keyboard to the other, just to get her bearings,

as it were, and you could see the congregation set their teeth

with the agony of it. Then, without any more preliminaries,

she turned on all the horrors of the “Battle of Prague,”

that venerable shivaree, and waded chin-deep in the blood

of the slain. She made a fair and honorable average

of two false notes in every five, but her soul was in arms

and she never stopped to correct. The audience stood it

with pretty fair grit for a while, but when the cannonade

waxed hotter and fiercer, and the discord average

rose to four in five, the procession began to move.

A few stragglers held their ground ten minutes longer,

but when the girl began to wring the true inwardness out

of the “cries of the wounded,” they struck their colors

and retired in a kind of panic.

There never was a completer victory; I was the only

non-combatant left on the field. I would not have

deserted my countrywoman anyhow, but indeed I had no

desires in that direction. None of us like mediocrity,

but we all reverence perfection. This girl’s music

was perfection in its way; it was the worst music that

had ever been achieved on our planet by a mere human being.

I moved up close, and never lost a strain. When she

got through, I asked her to play it again. She did it

with a pleased alacrity and a heightened enthusiasm.

She made it ALL discords, this time. She got an amount

of anguish into the cries of the wounded that shed a new

light on human suffering. She was on the war-path all

the evening. All the time, crowds of people gathered on

the porches and pressed their noses against the windows

to look and marvel, but the bravest never ventured in.

The bride went off satisfied and happy with her young fellow,

when her appetite was finally gorged, and the tourists

swarmed in again.

What a change has come over Switzerland, and in fact

all Europe, during this century! Seventy or eighty years

ago Napoleon was the only man in Europe who could really

be called a traveler; he was the only man who had devoted

his attention to it and taken a powerful interest in it;

he was the only man who had traveled extensively;

but now everybody goes everywhere; and Switzerland,

and many other regions which were unvisited and unknown

remotenesses a hundred years ago, are in our days

a buzzing hive of restless strangers every summer.

But I digress.

In the morning, when we looked out of our windows,

we saw a wonderful sight. Across the valley,

and apparently quite neighborly and close at hand,

the giant form of the Jungfrau rose cold and white into

the clear sky, beyond a gateway in the nearer highlands.

It reminded me, somehow, of one of those colossal billows

which swells suddenly up beside one’s ship, at sea,

sometimes, with its crest and shoulders snowy white, and the

rest of its noble proportions streaked downward with creamy foam.

I took out my sketch-book and made a little picture

of the Jungfrau, merely to get the shape. [Figure 9]

I do not regard this as one of my finished works, in fact I

do not rank it among my Works at all; it is only a study;

it is hardly more than what one might call a sketch.

Other artists have done me the grace to admire it; but I

am severe in my judgments of my own pictures, and this

one does not move me.

It was hard to believe that that lofty wooded rampart on

the left which so overtops the Jungfrau was not actually

the higher of the two, but it was not, of course.

It is only two or three thousand feet high, and of course

has no snow upon it in summer, whereas the Jungfrau is not

much shorter of fourteen thousand feet high and therefore

that lowest verge of snow on her side, which seems nearly

down to the valley level, is really about seven thousand feet

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