A TRAMP ABROAD By Mark Twain

‘Never mind,’ and jumped out and told the coachman

to wait–said he hadn’t time to take anything to eat,

he only had a little claim against the government to collect,

would run across the way, to the Treasury, and fetch

the money, and then get right along back to Tennessee,

for he was in considerable of a hurry.

“Well, about eleven o’clock that night he came back

and ordered a bed and told them to put the horses

up–said he would collect the claim in the morning.

This was in January, you understand–January, 1834–

the 3d of January–Wednesday.

“Well, on the 5th of February, he sold the fine carriage,

and bought a cheap second-hand one–said it would answer

just as well to take the money home in, and he didn’t care

for style.

“On the 11th of August he sold a pair of the fine horses–

said he’d often thought a pair was better than four,

to go over the rough mountain roads with where a body

had to be careful about his driving–and there wasn’t

so much of his claim but he could lug the money home

with a pair easy enough.

“On the 13th of December he sold another horse–said

two warn’t necessary to drag that old light vehicle

with–in fact, one could snatch it along faster than

was absolutely necessary, now that it was good solid

winter weather and the roads in splendid condition.

“On the 17th of February, 1835, he sold the old carriage

and bought a cheap second-hand buggy–said a buggy

was just the trick to skim along mushy, slushy early

spring roads with, and he had always wanted to try

a buggy on those mountain roads, anyway.

“On the 1st August he sold the buggy and bought the

remains of an old sulky–said he just wanted to see

those green Tennesseans stare and gawk when they saw

him come a-ripping along in a sulky–didn’t believe

they’d ever heard of a sulky in their lives.

“Well, on the 29th of August he sold his colored

coachman–said he didn’t need a coachman for a sulky–

wouldn’t be room enough for two in it anyway–and,

besides, it wasn’t every day that Providence sent a man

a fool who was willing to pay nine hundred dollars for

such a third-rate negro as that–been wanting to get

rid of the creature for years, but didn’t like to THROW him away.

“Eighteen months later–that is to say, on the 15th

of February, 1837–he sold the sulky and bought

a saddle–said horseback-riding was what the doctor

had always recommended HIM to take, and dog’d if he

wanted to risk HIS neck going over those mountain roads

on wheels in the dead of winter, not if he knew himself.

“On the 9th of April he sold the saddle–said he wasn’t

going to risk HIS life with any perishable saddle-girth

that ever was made, over a rainy, miry April road,

while he could ride bareback and know and feel he was

safe–always HAD despised to ride on a saddle, anyway.

“On the 24th of April he sold his horse–said ‘I’m just

fifty-seven today, hale and hearty–it would be a PRETTY

howdy-do for me to be wasting such a trip as that and such

weather as this, on a horse, when there ain’t anything

in the world so splendid as a tramp on foot through

the fresh spring woods and over the cheery mountains,

to a man that IS a man–and I can make my dog carry my

claim in a little bundle, anyway, when it’s collected.

So tomorrow I’ll be up bright and early, make my little

old collection, and mosey off to Tennessee, on my own

hind legs, with a rousing good-by to Gadsby’s.’

“On the 22d of June he sold his dog–said ‘Dern a dog,

anyway, where you’re just starting off on a rattling bully

pleasure tramp through the summer woods and hills–perfect

nuisance–chases the squirrels, barks at everything,

goes a-capering and splattering around in the fords–

man can’t get any chance to reflect and enjoy nature–

and I’d a blamed sight ruther carry the claim myself,

it’s a mighty sight safer; a dog’s mighty uncertain

in a financial way- -always noticed it–well, GOOD-by,

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