All sorts of American pastry.
Fresh American fruits of all sorts, including strawberries,
which are not to be doled out as if they were jewelry,
but in a more liberal way.
Ice-water–not prepared in the ineffectual goblet,
but in the sincere and capable refrigerator.
Americans intending to spend a year or so in European hotels,
will do well to copy this bill and carry it along. They will
find it an excellent thing to get up an appetite with,
in the dispiriting presence of the squalid table d’ho^te.
Foreigners cannot enjoy our food, I suppose, any more than we
can enjoy theirs. It is not strange; for tastes are made,
not born. I might glorify my bill of fare until I was tired;
but after all, the Scotchman would shake his head and say,
“Where’s your haggis?” and the Fijian would sigh and say,
“Where’s your missionary?”
I have a neat talent in matters pertaining to nourishment.
This has met with professional recognition. I have often
furnished recipes for cook-books. Here are some designs
for pies and things, which I recently prepared for a
friend’s projected cook-book, but as I forgot to furnish
diagrams and perspectives, they had to be left out,
of course.
RECIPE FOR AN ASH-CAKE
Take a lot of water and add to it a lot of coarse
Indian-meal and about a quarter of a lot of salt.
Mix well together, knead into the form of a “pone,” and let
the pone stand awhile–not on its edge, but the other way.
Rake away a place among the embers, lay it there,
and cover it an inch deep with hot ashes. When it
is done, remove it; blow off all the ashes but one layer;
butter that one and eat.
N.B.–No household should ever be without this talisman.
It has been noticed that tramps never return for another
ash-cake.
———-
RECIPE FOR NEW ENGLISH PIE
To make this excellent breakfast dish, proceed as
follows: Take a sufficiency of water and a sufficiency
of flour, and construct a bullet-proof dough.
Work this into the form of a disk, with the edges turned
up some three-fourths of an inch. Toughen and kiln-dry
in a couple days in a mild but unvarying temperature.
Construct a cover for this redoubt in the same way and
of the same material. Fill with stewed dried apples;
aggravate with cloves, lemon-peel, and slabs of citron;
add two portions of New Orleans sugars, then solder
on the lid and set in a safe place till it petrifies.
Serve cold at breakfast and invite your enemy.
———-
RECIPE FOR GERMAN COFFEE
Take a barrel of water and bring it to a boil; rub a chicory
berry against a coffee berry, then convey the former
into the water. Continue the boiling and evaporation
until the intensity of the flavor and aroma of the coffee
and chicory has been diminished to a proper degree;
then set aside to cool. Now unharness the remains of a
once cow from the plow, insert them in a hydraulic press,
and when you shall have acquired a teaspoon of that
pale-blue juice which a German superstition regards
as milk, modify the malignity of its strength in a bucket
of tepid water and ring up the breakfast. Mix the
beverage in a cold cup, partake with moderation, and keep
a wet rag around your head to guard against over-excitement.
———-
TO CARVE FOWLS IN THE GERMAN FASHION
Use a club, and avoid the joints.
CHAPTER L
[Titian Bad and Titian Good]
I wonder why some things are? For instance, Art is allowed
as much indecent license today as in earlier times–
but the privileges of Literature in this respect have been
sharply curtailed within the past eighty or ninety years.
Fielding and Smollett could portray the beastliness
of their day in the beastliest language; we have plenty
of foul subjects to deal with in our day, but we are
not allowed to approach them very near, even with nice
and guarded forms of speech. But not so with Art.
The brush may still deal freely with any subject,
however revolting or indelicate. It makes a body ooze
sarcasm at every pore, to go about Rome and Florence and see