A TRAMP ABROAD By Mark Twain

criminals denied the privilege of destroying the comfort

of a house full of their betters. Some of these were

pretty fine birds, but no matter, they had to tarry

outside in the long parlor under the inspection of

a double rank of liveried footmen and waiting-maids

who supported the two walls with their backs and held

the wraps and traps of their masters and mistresses on their

arms.

We had no footmen to hold our things, and it was not

permissible to take them into the concert-room; but there

were some men and women to take charge of them for us.

They gave us checks for them and charged a fixed price,

payable in advance–five cents.

In Germany they always hear one thing at an opera

which has never yet been heard in America, perhaps–I

mean the closing strain of a fine solo or duet.

We always smash into it with an earthquake of applause.

The result is that we rob ourselves of the sweetest

part of the treat; we get the whiskey, but we don’t get

the sugar in the bottom of the glass.

Our way of scattering applause along through an act seems

to me to be better than the Mannheim way of saving it

all up till the act is ended. I do not see how an actor

can forget himself and portray hot passion before a cold

still audience. I should think he would feel foolish.

It is a pain to me to this day, to remember how that old

German Lear raged and wept and howled around the stage,

with never a response from that hushed house, never a

single outburst till the act was ended. To me there was

something unspeakably uncomfortable in the solemn dead

silences that always followed this old person’s tremendous

outpourings of his feelings. I could not help putting

myself in his place–I thought I knew how sick and flat

he felt during those silences, because I remembered a case

which came under my observation once, and which–but I

will tell the incident:

One evening on board a Mississippi steamboat, a boy of ten

years lay asleep in a berth–a long, slim-legged boy,

he was, encased in quite a short shirt; it was the first

time he had ever made a trip on a steamboat, and so he

was troubled, and scared, and had gone to bed with his

head filled with impending snaggings, and explosions,

and conflagrations, and sudden death. About ten o’clock

some twenty ladies were sitting around about the ladies’

saloon, quietly reading, sewing, embroidering, and so on,

and among them sat a sweet, benignant old dame with round

spectacles on her nose and her busy knitting-needles

in her hands. Now all of a sudden, into the midst of this

peaceful scene burst that slim-shanked boy in the brief shirt,

wild-eyed, erect-haired, and shouting, “Fire, fire!

JUMP AND RUN, THE BOAT’S AFIRE AND THERE AIN’T A MINUTE

TO LOSE!” All those ladies looked sweetly up and smiled,

nobody stirred, the old lady pulled her spectacles down,

looked over them, and said, gently:

“But you mustn’t catch cold, child. Run and put on

your breastpin, and then come and tell us all about it.”

It was a cruel chill to give to a poor little devil’s

gushing vehemence. He was expecting to be a sort of

hero–the creator of a wild panic–and here everybody

sat and smiled a mocking smile, and an old woman made

fun of his bugbear. I turned and crept away–for I

was that boy–and never even cared to discover whether

I had dreamed the fire or actually seen it.

I am told that in a German concert or opera, they hardly

ever encore a song; that though they may be dying to hear

it again, their good breeding usually preserves them

against requiring the repetition.

Kings may encore; that is quite another matter;

it delights everybody to see that the King is pleased;

and as to the actor encored, his pride and gratification

are simply boundless. Still, there are circumstances

in which even a royal encore–

But it is better to illustrate. The King of Bavaria is

a poet, and has a poet’s eccentricities–with the advantage

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