Carlos Castaneda’s Don Juan’s Teachings

M: Good news.

R: However, the physical distraction of my “loosing mobility at the shoulder” right arm and its associated almost constant pain together with the self diagnosed skin problem, well, … actually those things are not the distraction, the distraction is suspicion that I am going to die from the second item above and even wonder if the first item above is not actually an indication that the spread of the second has begun. (NOTE: this is about one year later that I’m editing this for my web page and the shoulder is 98% back to normal and the skin problem has totally vanished.)

M: Honestly, my problem is and was the “self-diagnosed” part. You could well have some form unrelated discomfort in your shoulder. The observation here is that you really “don’t know” what’s going on, have really only your own opinion based on your assumptions, and the observed result is that you use a huge amount of emotional energy speculating on what is going on. Wasting energy, it is understood, is not in accord with the spirit of the nagual and the way to resolve this is to gain “knowledge” and in this situation a medical opinion would be useful. My fear is that this is all becoming self-defeating for you, and yes, I do care.

R: On the other hand, my feeling of total energy, otherwise, keeps me hopeful while still suspecting that it may be foolishly so. And so, I’ve been finding myself in bouts of depression as I continue to deplore my “giving up” to having the knife cut away.

M: I, of course, do not know what you really have going on and my suspicion is that you might not know either.

R: From 2-26-99 have not had a drop of anything that was not whole and natural eating mostly brown rice and beans, fish, raw and cooked vegetables and fruit … period. But, again, I admit to being frustrated and a bit depressed by my arm and the other. I believe that you think my decision is not based on impeccability but I must tell you that I truly do.

M: I can only view this from my own prospective: if you are not correct, then the result is truly negative and there is concern that given the other negativity based on history that you’ve reported (I’m not speculating, just reflecting on your reports) this might be forming your “way out”, and capitulation is can not be impeccable because it’s about the same as the “warrior” surrendering, not being a “warrior” at all.

R: This may well be a test all right, but to me, it is a test of whether or not I can muster up the will to harness intent. Writing this to you helps me to not give up … that is the frame of mind I must keep active … your contact has greatly helped.

M: Intent can be used to take more action, it needs to be noted. The suggestion is to focus on what is in the “whole”, your true intent.

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R: I spent much of the day working on/reading over your emails from the beginning. Aside from totally forgetting about and never even starting the project of writing what each paragraph means to me, another thing struck me and that was your point about my “diagnosis.”

M: Okay. The significant item to me in the above is the “never even starting the project of writing what each paragraph means to me” for reasons: a. It’s not intended as a pedantic exercise so it’s hoped that it will have personal integration benefit, i.e., knowledge as opposed to just information; and, b) “means to me” because that makes it personal as all quests for the warrior must be.

R: I suppose it is a small point, but I though I would at least show you where I received my education on the matter. If you would take the time to go through the complete tutorial’s 19 section at:

http://matrix.ucdavis.edu/tumors/new/tutorial1.html

R: as I did (I recall that I spent about four hours there 2-26-99), I think you might have more confidence in my diagnosis … what that would mean, I don’t know, just more reason to go to the doctor I suppose.

M: No question about it in my mind.

R: I got further information that same day at:

http://imsdd.meb.uni-bonn.de/cancernet/201302.html#4_DESCRIPTION

R: Where I determined mine to be third stage. Many treatments are described here and I gleaned onto the last treatment mentioned: “Biological therapy tries to get the body to fight cancer. It uses materials made by the body or made in a laboratory to boost, direct, or restore the body’s natural defenses against disease. Biological treatment is sometimes called biological response modifier (BRM) therapy or immunotherapy. Clinical trials are being done to find biological therapies that are effective.”

M: I looked through the sites that you referenced above, and certainly they appear competent. The Stage III description has the surface at about 4 millimeters which is a bit less that 3/16th inch diameter. The “depth” of the tumor, though, has a significant impact between the Stages, and that cannot be determined without imaging or penetration.

M: Comment: It is interesting that in your “rant” you decried western medicine but in these web sites you are utilizing it’s methodologies to “self- diagnose”. This is “just” an observation to point out what may be a dichotomy.

(NOTE: At this point I am putting in a whole new dialogue that developed from this “Comment” of Michael’s. Where we leave off here continues below starting at “So, I’m doing my own “trial,” I suppose you could say.”

R: I truly admire and respect science in any area, medical or otherwise. But at the same time I see the structure that organized medicine has become and the process required of students, usually young and impressionable, to become doctors. Add into the mix our litigious society and the AMA and you get what we have today in doctor-patient relations: the “standard treatment” of the day applied to the condition as best diagnosed by the physician. Well, fine.

M: Not so fine, of course, however “very” practitioner-specific as to results. The “human form” of institutions is replete with power struggles, and self-importance. Insofar as can be observed, this situation applies to most (if not all) human form organizations, no matter how well intended.

R: Now consider our organic bodies as the whole organisms which they are leaving out all the metaphysical notions. And consider that here is essentially no requirement of medical students to study the interrelatedness of the whole organism nor is there but a scant amount of research into the subject in the first place. One practices medicine after studying cause and effect observations made through the history of medicine, basically. And that is fine.

M: “Fine” to a degree, but limited.

R: That is what has worked pretty well … not? I make that judgement based on things like the report that just came out about how 85% of all Japanese have a medical problem. I imagine one arguing that the two are unrelated, to which I would say, yes, it would appear so, but isn’t the medical community’s near total denial of diet as the cause of anything the crux of the problem?

M: In the main, that is probably true. Physicians who are homeopathic do exist, however, they just have to be found. Diet has some causal impact, however it is very difficult to place a cause and effect relationship particularly in humans because of the exposure and life cycle. Add to this the genetic predispositions, and it’s exacerbated profoundly simply because the reactions of any one human body, to various stimuli, can be very different and be DNA (genetically) driven.

R: And then you find out about the billion dollar sugar industry’s and the milk industry’s and other’s financing “scientific” studies that always exonerate them. I know that things are changing somewhat, but go and see what they feed patients in hospitals. Yes, you witnessed something from me directed at medical professionals. But it was more in the line of what I’ve unfortunately done with my son: directed anger (the source of which is always another subject thus the problem with it) at him over something I saw that was not supporting his whole development. What if the removal of moles turns out to be the modern day blood-letting or head hole drilling? I find great encouragement in “Clinical trials are being done to find biological therapies that are effective.” There is the hope for the future. And the statement that acknowledges the medical community in that regard even more: “Biological therapy tries to get the body to fight cancer. It uses materials made by the body or made in a laboratory to boost, direct, or restore the body’s natural defenses against disease.” Well, DUH!!!

M: I wish that the judgement of that were only that simple. I’m not attempting to defend the things that annoy you and that you have commit to. The simple fact is that is has been only recently, meaning the past five years or so, that we have had the technical tools, or even the measurement of those tools in order for this to happen to the extent that is has. Early virologists that were very successful, like Jonas Salk, were fortunate to have a virus that didn’t mutate as much as modern viruses do, and that didn’t interact with the genetic predispositions as much as modern viruses do – almost like a form of Darwinian “natural selection”. The fact that technology has “raised the bar” on lifespan from so many issues that tended to be frequent in society (e.g. yellow and scarlet fevers; bubonic plagues; small pox; polio, et al) we now are facing working on the “really tough” and more selective problems.