Carlos Castaneda’s Don Juan’s Teachings

M: On the fact of my clinical death in June 1994, meaning on that occasion, I learned that my evolution had not achieved the level of my potential, or for that matter, the intent of the consortium, for me. The “peace” of pure being in the 3rd attention was mitigated by knowledge that my personal evolution had not yet been completed and that I could return to 1st attention life to “fix” the problems, so I returned with my existence again altered forever. I’m the first to admit that “the way” has not been simple for me because I had to unlearn so many of the human form dependencies that I had been hanging, clinging, onto.

R: One problem I’m having is that, with so much of the world opinion against me, I do worry that I may be dying. A few days ago, I got a slight sore throat and very mild caugh, the fear popped in “it has possibly spread to my lung.”

R: One side of me is so confident. The other side sees and feels the physical and has doubt.

M: The ‘ego’ is the largest, and probably the most pervasive dependency that must be lost. From your own reports, you are in some conflict and in some struggle. Internal conflict, internal struggle, can never be impeccable. Never. The “world”, or it’s opinion, cannot be against you. It doesn’t care.

R: I find your information about the consortium very encourageing.

M: The concept of the consortium is my own description of something very real. You have the opportunity to, essentially, become a member if you commit to doing so and develop the evolutionary attribute to cause to you be an effective member. There are significant responsibilities over my analogue of “level 3”, and those are initially parts of the test process, then integrated as “real” responsibilities that knowledge, pure and true causes to be into being.

M: At that level of consciousness there is no agony, no conflict, no doubts. If loosing the human form represents “peace” in 1st attention life, one might imagine what adding the freedom of being as free energy might represent, added to that attribute set.

R: If I assume that level of consciousness to preclude agony, then how does desire fit in there? Would the “desire” to bring another forward in the group produce something like agony were it not successful?

M: As noted before, there are analogues of about 5 levels of consciousness once the eagle has been circumvented. Assuming that one; for example, experienced or “observed” those in “level 4 or 5” and knew that one had only achieved “level 2 or 3” there might be regret, but there is full acceptance since there is no choice. Full acceptance is not agony. If there were to be agony, it would be temporary because as one experienced agony, the human form would be invoked, and the energy would dissipate forever. BTW, there is NO “desire” to “fit in”. That is a very human-centric view. The desire is only to evolve to the highest level possible. The meetings that I have experienced motivated me in “no way” to “fit in”. The only motivation was to utilize their examples to “achieve” for myself. That is the only formulation by which anyone could be accepted as “equals” at any level, in any case.

R: I really don’t want to keep beating this dead horse but I don’t accept the premise that the body “doesn’t know” what the “bad cancer” cells are up to until they bushwhack the body and it’s too late.

M: You are relatively alone in that argument. There is a large amount of research data to support the statement. Ultimately, though, our decision processes are “alone” anyway, and this is no exception.

R: And I “know” that there is no evidence for that that cannot also be attributed to insufficient nourishment.

M: You are aware of data or information that I am not.

R: That is, the cell’s build up and sudden invasion and overwhelming of the immune system as the result of a weak immune system. But that’s too hard for the medical community to address … too many variables so they leave it alone (for the most part) and go the easy road … screw the diet, just cut the thing away and blast ’em with chemotherapy. Americans don’t want to be told what to eat and drink, that’s too much like work. Just take me to surgery and tell the nurse I want plenty of ice cream in the recovery room!

R: Say it isn’t so.

M: No comment. It’s your predisposition.

NOTE: please remember this line, as, an exchange follows in about two pages which I would insert here, but to do so would interrupt what is happening with this exchange so it will come later.

R: Perhaps I’ve been given to you by the consortium to show you this. If that be the case, then their ‘agony’ must be great as I’ve slipped a bit in “my way” … been eating pizza with the kids lately knowing that it has sugar in it. Considering the gift that you have given me: this exchange — the least I could do in return is to not deviate from what I believe.

M: It simply does not impact me. It simply does not impact “the consortium” per se. You have the opportunity to evolve and it’s not appropriate for me to presume to understand what intensity or lack thereof may be required, when, or if, you truly evolve to a more advanced level. The impeccability for myself is wholly limited to interacting as a facilitator to the extent that you permit and accept and integrate into being as knowledge. The facilitator who says “I will show you the way” is a fraud, bound to the human form, since only each person can find the way for themselves. Even “if” your methodology fails, and your physical 1st attention life becomes severely threatened, you will learn many things. It’s even inappropriate for me to presume to “know” what, or if, your time sequences may be as your own requirement for you to evolve. It’s even possible that the failure of your methodology and accordingly your body, might be the catapult you need to rapidly advance. Everything that must be, will be.

R: Yesterday I was doing something while walking that I want to tell you about. But backing up to my last email of, what, has it been about 10 days? Anyway, since then I’ve been working on the compilation of your emails to me. I sorted them by paragraph alphabetically. That created an interesting randomness to the whole thing that I liked and reading it has been very good.

M: Great!

R: So, out of reading it, and back to my walking yesterday, I became very aware of all of the reactions I have to life as it flows. And I became aware of how easily I get into the automaticness of my reacting.

M: Also Great! From the randomness, you seem to have found a pattern!

R: So, I began to think of my reactions to the flow of life as though I could file the thoughts that came into my head. I was therefore looking newly at each thought and evaluating it as to what to do with it, filing wise.

M: It seems that although you “were always there” during the process, the retrospective was of real benefit to you!

R: It’s amazing the nonsense thoughts that come to me but the fun thing was to notice them and catagorize them saying things to myself about the noticed thoughts like: file that thought under “to tell Michael” followed by the command to myself, “done” and if the thought would re occur I’d note it as already handled (by way of a decided upon intention) and drop it. The end result of the process of doing that with the thoughts was that I was no longer annoyed by the thoughts, first of all, and second, I found myself much more able to be as without thoughts as I’ve ever gotten. So it was good.

M: Sometimes it us very useful to deal with these matters of self-development in this manner because one can learn what is “closed” and still what is open. Sometimes if we don’t get that “down” in a way that we can reflect on and understand, keeping it only in active minds, just increases the mind noise because there are reflections on issues that no longer require reflection, and these can become tangled up with the open items, causing something like a jumble.

R: Telling you now reminds me to work on the same even while in the house.

M: Great!

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R: On at least one other occasion, I have experienced a “click” sound/feeling in my head. The first time was around 1976 to 1981. I was with a friend who wanted me to join her religion and we were chanting her religion’s chant. At that time I was firmly into CC books/way and had no interest in her church whatsoever but rather liked the sound of chanting in myself. Well, one day with her, and I don’t recall why, I said outloud “I’m not going to do this chanting stuff” and in that instant heard/felt a quite loud click in my head. I’ve always remembered that, obviously, and along with it has always been the notion that I had no clue as to what the click “meant” … it was just a click. Not a “oh, that’s right,” click, or “oh, that’s wrong” click, just a click. I mention it because it just happened again, lightly, the instant I read the word “predisposition,” from, “R: Say it isn’t so. M:” No comment. It’s your predisposition.”