the uplifted countenance of the aged father, and the joy that sparkles in
the eyes of the excited group of youths and maidens, and seems ready to
burst into the welcoming chorus from their lips. The lesson, my friends,
is as solemn and instructive as the story is tender and beautiful.’
“The mud-Jobber was all ready, and when the second speech was finished,
struck up:
“Oh, we’ll all get blind drunk
When Johnny comes marching home!
“Some of the people giggled, and some groaned a little. The showman
couldn’t say a word; he looked at the pianist sharp, but he was all
lovely and serene–he didn’t know there was anything out of gear.
“The panorama moved on, and the showman drummed up his grit and started
in fresh.
“‘Ladies and gentlemen, the fine picture now unfolding itself to your
gaze exhibits one of the most notable events in Bible history–our
Saviour and His disciples upon the Sea of Galilee. How grand, how awe-
inspiring are the reflections which the subject invokes! What sublimity
of faith is revealed to us in this lesson from the sacred writings! The
Saviour rebukes the angry waves, and walks securely upon the bosom of the
deep!’
“All around the house they were whispering, ‘Oh, how lovely, how
beautiful!’ and the orchestra let himself out again:
“A life on the ocean wave,
And a home on the rolling deep!
“There was a good deal of honest snickering turned on this time, and
considerable groaning, and one or two old deacons got up and went out.
The showman grated his teeth, and cursed the piano man to himself; but
the fellow sat there like a knot on a log, and seemed to think he was
doing first-rate.
“After things got quiet the showman thought he would make one more
stagger at it, anyway, though his confidence was beginning to get mighty
shaky. The supes started the panorama grinding along again, and he says:
“‘Ladies and gentlemen, this exquisite painting represents the raising of
Lazarus from the dead by our Saviour. The subject has been handled with
marvelous skill by the artist, and such touching sweetness and tenderness
of expression has he thrown into it that I have known peculiarly
sensitive persons to be even affected to tears by looking at it. Observe
the half-confused, half-inquiring look upon the countenance of the
awakened Lazarus. Observe, also, the attitude and expression of the
Saviour, who takes him gently by the sleeve of his shroud with one hand,
while He points with the other toward the distant city.’
“Before anybody could get off an opinion in the case the innocent old ass
at the piano struck up:
“Come rise up, William Ri-i-ley,
And go along with me!
“Whe-ew! All the solemn old flats got up in a huff to go, and everybody
else laughed till the windows rattled.
“The showman went down and grabbed the orchestra and shook him up and
says:
“‘That lets you out, you know, you chowder-headed old clam. Go to the
doorkeeper and get your money, and cut your stick–vamose the ranch!
Ladies and gentlemen, circumstances over which I have no control compel
me prematurely to dismiss the house.'”
CURING A COLD –[Written about 1864]
It is a good thing, perhaps, to write for the amusement of the public,
but it is a far higher and nobler thing to write for their instruction,
their profit, their actual and tangible benefit. The latter is the sole
object of this article. If it prove the means of restoring to health one
solitary sufferer among my race, of lighting up once more the fire of
hope and joy in his faded eyes, or bringing back to his dead heart again
the quick, generous impulses of other days, I shall be amply rewarded for
my labor; my soul will be permeated with the sacred delight a Christian.
feels when he has done a good, unselfish deed.
Having led a pure and blameless life, I am justified in believing that no
man who knows me will reject the suggestions I am about to make, out of
fear that I am trying to deceive him. Let the public do itself the honor
to read my experience in doctoring a cold, as herein set forth, and then