Sketches New and Old by Mark Twain

and we shall be most happy if you will draw upon us for any–”

“COME IN!”

“My noble boy, she is yours! She’ll be here in a moment! Take her–

marry her–love her–be happy!–God bless you both! Hip, hip, hur–”

“COME IN!!!!!”

“Oh, George, my own darling, we are saved!”

“Oh, Mary, my own darling, we are saved–but I’ll swear I don’t know why

nor how!”

CHAPTER V

[Scene-A Roman Caf‚.]

One of a group of American gentlemen reads and translates from the weekly

edition of ‘Il Slangwhanger di Roma’ as follows:

WONDERFUL DISCOVERY–Some six months ago Signor John Smitthe, an American

gentleman now some years a resident of Rome, purchased for a trifle a

small piece of ground in the Campagna, just beyond the tomb of the Scipio

family, from the owner, a bankrupt relative of the Princess Borghese.

Mr. Smitthe afterward went to the Minister of the Public Records and had

the piece of ground transferred to a poor American artist named George

Arnold, explaining that he did it as payment and satisfaction for

pecuniary damage accidentally done by him long since upon property

belonging to Signor Arnold, and further observed that he would make

additional satisfaction by improving the ground for Signor A., at his own

charge and cost. Four weeks ago, while making some necessary excavations

upon the property, Signor Smitthe unearthed the most remarkable ancient

statue that has ever bees added to the opulent art treasures of Rome.

It was an exquisite figure of a woman, and though sadly stained by the

soil and the mold of ages, no eye can look unmoved upon its ravishing

beauty. The nose, the left leg from the knee down, an ear, and also the

toes of the right foot and two fingers of one of the hands were gone,

but otherwise the noble figure was in a remarkable state of preservation.

The government at once took military possession of the statue, and

appointed a commission of art-critics, antiquaries, and cardinal princes

of the church to assess its value and determine the remuneration that

must go to the owner of the ground in which it was found. The whole

affair was kept a profound secret until last night. In the mean time the

commission sat with closed doors and deliberated. Last night they

decided unanimously that the statue is a Venus, and the work of some

unknown but sublimely gifted artist of the third century before Christ.

They consider it the most faultless work of art the world has any

knowledge of.

At midnight they held a final conference and, decided that the Venus was

worth the enormous sum of ten million francs! In accordance with Roman

law and Roman usage, the government being half-owner in all works of art

found in the Campagna, the State has naught to do but pay five million

francs to Mr. Arnold and take permanent possession of the beautiful

statue. This morning the Venus will be removed to the Capitol, there to

remain, and at noon the commission will wait upon Signor Arnold with His

Holiness the Pope’s order upon the Treasury for the princely sum of five

million francs is gold!

Chorus of Voices.–“Luck! It’s no name for it!”

Another Voice.–” Gentlemen, I propose that we immediately form an

American joint-stock company for the purchase of lands and excavations of

statues here, with proper connections in Wall Street to bull and bear the

stock.”

All.–“Agreed.”

CHAPTER VI

[Scene–The Roman Capitol Ten Years Later.]

“Dearest Mary, this is the most celebrated statue in the world. This is

the renowned ‘Capitoline Venus’ you’ve heard so much about. Here she is

with her little blemishes ‘restored’ (that is, patched) by the most noted

Roman artists–and the mere fact that they did the humble patching of so

noble a creation will make their names illustrious while the world

stands. How strange it seems this place! The day before I last stood

here, ten happy years ago, I wasn’t a rich man bless your soul, I hadn’t

a cent. And yet I had a good deal to do with making Rome mistress of

this grandest work of ancient art the world contains.”

“The worshiped, the illustrious Capitoline Venus–and what a sum she is

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