Sketches New and Old by Mark Twain

among thieves and harlots in the slums of Boston one month, and the pet

of the pure and innocent daughters of the land the next! A bloody and

hateful devil–a bewept, bewailed, and sainted martyr–all in a month!

Fool!–so noble a fortune, and yet you sit here grieving!”

“No, madam,” I said, “you do me wrong, you do, indeed. I am perfectly

satisfied. I did not know before that my great-grandfather was hanged,

but it is of no consequence. He has probably ceased to bother about it

by this time–and I have not commenced yet. I confess, madam, that I do

something in the way of editing and lecturing, but the other crimes you

mention have escaped my memory. Yet I must have committed them–you

would not deceive a stranger. But let the past be as it was, and let the

future be as it may–these are nothing. I have only cared for one thing.

I have always felt that I should be hanged some day, and somehow the

thought has annoyed me considerably; but if you can only assure me that I

shall be hanged in New Hampshire–”

“Not a shadow of a doubt!”

“Bless you, my benefactress!–excuse this embrace–you have removed a

great load from my breast. To be hanged in New Hampshire is happiness

–it leaves an honored name behind a man, and introduces him at once into

the best New Hampshire society in the other world.”

I then took leave of the fortune-teller. But, seriously, is it well to

glorify a murderous villain on the scaffold, as Pike was glorified in New

Hampshire? Is it well to turn the penalty for a bloody crime into a

reward? Is it just to do it? Is, it safe?

A NEW CRIME

LEGISLATION NEEDED

This country, during the last thirty or forty years, has produced some of

the most remarkable cases of insanity of which there is any mention in

history. For instance, there was the Baldwin case, in Ohio, twenty-two

years ago. Baldwin, from his boyhood up, had been of a vindictive,

malignant, quarrelsome nature. He put a boy’s eye out once, and never

was heard upon any occasion to utter a regret for it. He did many such

things. But at last he did something that was serious. He called at a

house just after dark one evening, knocked, and when the occupant came to

the door, shot him dead, and then tried to escape, but was captured.

Two days before, he had wantonly insulted a helpless cripple, and the man

he afterward took swift vengeance upon with an assassin bullet had

knocked him down. Such was the Baldwin case. The trial was long and

exciting; the community was fearfully wrought up. Men said this

spiteful, bad-hearted villain had caused grief enough in his time, and

now he should satisfy the law. But they were mistaken; Baldwin was

insane when he did the deed–they had not thought of that. By the

argument of counsel it was shown that at half past ten in the morning on

the day of the murder, Baldwin became insane, and remained so for eleven

hours and a half exactly. This just covered the case comfortably, and he

was acquitted. Thus, if an unthinking and excited community had been

listened to instead of the arguments of counsel, a poor crazy creature

would have been held to a fearful responsibility for a mere freak of

madness. Baldwin went clear, and although his relatives and friends were

naturally incensed against the community for their injurious suspicions

and remarks, they said let it go for this time, and did not prosecute.

The Baldwins were very wealthy. This same Baldwin had momentary fits of

insanity twice afterward, and on both occasions killed people he had

grudges against. And on both these occasions the circumstances of the

killing were so aggravated, and the murders so seemingly heartless and

treacherous, that if Baldwin had not been insane he would have been

hanged without the shadow of a doubt. As it was, it required all his

political and family influence to get him clear in one of the cases, and

cost him not less than ten thousand dollars to get clear in the other.

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