Sketches New and Old by Mark Twain

once more.]

richest treasures of their genius, their experience of life, and

their learning. The great lights of commercial jurisprudence,

international confraternity, and biological deviation, of all ages,

all civilizations, and all nationalities, from Zoroaster down to

Horace Greeley, have–

[Here I was interrupted again, and required to go down and confer further

with that lightning-rod man. I hurried off, boiling and surging with

prodigious thoughts wombed in words of such majesty that each one of them

was in itself a straggling procession of syllables that might be fifteen

minutes passing a given point, and once more I confronted him–he so calm

and sweet, I so hot and frenzied. He was standing in the contemplative

attitude of the Colossus of Rhodes, with one foot on my infant tuberose,

and the other among my pansies, his hands on his hips, his hat-brim

tilted forward, one eye shut and the other gazing critically and

admiringly in the direction of my principal chimney. He said now there

was a state of things to make a man glad to be alive; and added, “I leave

it to you if you ever saw anything more deliriously picturesque than

eight lightning-rods on one chimney?” I said I had no present

recollection of anything that transcended it. He said that in his

opinion nothing on earth but Niagara Falls was superior to it in the way

of natural scenery. All that was needed now, he verily believed, to make

my house a perfect balm to the eye, was to kind of touch up the other

chimneys a little, and thus “add to the generous ‘coup d’oeil’ a soothing

uniformity of achievement which would allay the excitement naturally

consequent upon the ‘coup d’etat.'” I asked him if he learned to talk

out of a book, and if I could borrow it anywhere? He smiled pleasantly,

and said that his manner of speaking was not taught in books, and that

nothing but familiarity with lightning could enable a man to handle his

conversational style with impunity. He then figured up an estimate, and

said that about eight more rods scattered about my roof would about fix

me right, and he guessed five hundred feet of stuff would do it; and

added that the first eight had got a little the start of him, so to

speak, and used up a mere trifle of material more than he had calculated

on–a hundred feet or along there. I said I was in a dreadful hurry,

and I wished we could get this business permanently mapped out, so that I

could go on with my work. He said, “I could have put up those eight

rods, and marched off about my business–some men would have done it.

But no; I said to myself, this man is a stranger to me, and I will die

before I’ll wrong him; there ain’t lightning-rods enough on that house,

and for one I’ll never stir out of my tracks till I’ve done as I would be

done by, and told him so. Stranger, my duty is accomplished; if the

recalcitrant and dephlogistic messenger of heaven strikes your–”

“There, now, there,” I said, “put on the other eight–add five hundred

feet of spiral-twist–do anything and everything you want to do; but calm

your sufferings, and try to keep your feelings where you can reach them

with the dictionary. Meanwhile, if we understand each other now, I will

go to work again.”

I think I have been sitting here a full hour this time, trying to get

back to where I was when my train of thought was broken up by the last

interruption; but I believe I have accomplished it at last, and may

venture to proceed again.]

wrestled with this great subject, and the greatest among them have

found it a worthy adversary, and one that always comes up fresh and

smiling after every throw. The great Confucius said that he would

rather be a profound political economist than chief of police.

Cicero frequently said that political economy was the grandest

consummation that the human mind was capable of consuming; and even

our own Greeley had said vaguely but forcibly that “Political–

[Here the lightning-rod man sent up another call for me. I went down in

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