The Gilded Age by Mark Twain and Charles Dudley Warner

proven guilty of theft, arson, licentiousness, infanticide, and defiling

graves, I believe they would have suspended him for two days.”

“You can depend on it, Washington. Congress is vindictive, Congress is

savage, sir, when it gets waked up once. It will go to any length to

vindicate its honor at such a time.”

“Ah well, we have talked the morning through, just as usual in these

tiresome days of waiting, and we have reached the same old result; that

is to say, we are no better off than when we began. The land bill is

just as far away as ever, and the trial is closer at hand. Let’s give up

everything and die.”

“Die and leave the Duchess to fight it out all alone? Oh, no, that won’t

do. Come, now, don’t talk so. It is all going to come out right. Now

you’ll see.”

“It never will, Colonel, never in the world. Something tells me that.

I get more tired and more despondent every day. I don’t see any hope;

life is only just a trouble. I am so miserable, these days!”

The Colonel made Washington get up and walk the floor with him, arm in

arm. The good old speculator wanted to comfort him, but he hardly knew

how to go about it. He made many attempts, but they were lame; they

lacked spirit; the words were encouraging; but they were only words–he

could not get any heart into them. He could not always warm up, now,

with the old Hawkeye fervor. By and by his lips trembled and his voice

got unsteady. He said:

“Don’t give up the ship, my boy–don’t do it. The wind’s bound to fetch

around and set in our favor. I know it.”

And the prospect was so cheerful that he wept. Then he blew a trumpet-

blast that started the meshes of his handkerchief, and said in almost his

breezy old-time way:

“Lord bless us, this is all nonsense! Night doesn’t last always; day has

got to break some time or other. Every silver lining has a cloud behind

it, as the poet says; and that remark has always cheered me; though–

I never could see any meaning to it. Everybody uses it, though, and

everybody gets comfort out of it. I wish they would start something

fresh. Come, now, let’s cheer up; there’s been as good fish in the sea

as there are now. It shall never be said that Beriah Sellers–

Come in?”

It was the telegraph boy. The Colonel :reached for the. message and

devoured its contents:

“I said it! Never give up the ship! The trial’s, postponed till

February, and we’ll save the child yet. Bless my life, what lawyers

they, have in New- York! Give them money to fight with; and the ghost of

an excuse, and they: would manage to postpone anything in this world,

unless it might be the millennium or something like that. Now for work

again my boy. The trial will last to the middle of March, sure; Congress

ends the fourth of March. Within three days of the end of the session

they will be done putting through the preliminaries then they will be

ready for national business: Our bill will go through in forty-eight

hours, then, and we’ll telegraph a million dollar’s to the jury–to the

lawyers, I mean–and the verdict of the jury will be ‘Accidental murder

resulting from justifiable insanity’–or something to, that effect,

something to that effect.–Everything is dead sure, now. Come, what is

the matter? What are you wilting down like that, for? You mustn’t be a

girl, you know.”

“Oh, Colonel, I am become so used to troubles, so used to failures,

disappointments, hard luck of all kinds, that a little good news breaks

me right down. Everything has been so hopeless that now I can’t stand

good news at all. It is too good to be true, anyway. Don’t you see how

our bad luck has worked on me? My hair is getting gray, and many nights

I don’t sleep at all. I wish it was all over and we could rest. I wish

we could lie, down and just forget everything, and let it all be just a

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