THE INTRUSION OF JIMMY BY P.G. WODEHOUSE

“New York,” said Mifflin, “is full of obliging persons who will be

delighted to relieve you of the incubus. Well, James, I shall leave

you. I feel more like bed now. By the way, I suppose you lost sight

of this girl when you landed?”

“Yes.”

“Well, there aren’t so many girls in the United States–only twenty

million. Or is it forty million? Something small. All you’ve got to

do is to search around a bit. Good-night.”

“Good-night.”

Mr. Mifflin clattered down the stairs. A minute later, the sound of

his name being called loudly from the street brought Jimmy to the

window. Mifflin was standing on the pavement below, looking up.

“Jimmy.”

“What’s the matter now?”

“I forgot to ask. Was she a blonde?”

“What?”

“Was she a blonde?” yelled Mifflin.

“No,” snapped Jimmy.

“Dark, eh?” bawled Mifflin, making night hideous.

“Yes,” said Jimmy, shutting the window.

“Jimmy!”

The window went up again.

“Well?”

“Me for blondes!”

“Go to bed!”

“Very well. Good-night.”

“Good-night.”

Jimmy withdrew his head, and sat down in the chair Mifflin had

vacated. A moment later, he rose, and switched off the light. It was

pleasanter to sit and think in the dark. His thoughts wandered off

in many channels, but always came back to the girl on the Lusitania.

It was absurd, of course. He didn’t wonder that Arthur Mifflin had

treated the thing as a joke. Good old Arthur! Glad he had made a

success! But was it a joke? Who was it that said, the point of a

joke is like the point of a needle, so small that it is apt to

disappear entirely when directed straight at oneself? If anybody

else had told him such a limping romance, he would have laughed

himself. Only, when you are the center of a romance, however

limping, you see it from a different angle. Of course, told badly,

it was absurd. He could see that. But something away at the back of

his mind told him that it was not altogether absurd. And yet–love

didn’t come like that, in a flash. You might just as well expect a

house to spring into being in a moment, or a ship, or an automobile,

or a table, or a–He sat up with a jerk. In another instant, he

would have been asleep.

He thought of bed, but bed seemed a long way off–the deuce of a

way. Acres of carpet to be crawled over, and then the dickens of a

climb at the end of it. Besides, undressing! Nuisance–undressing.

That was a nice dress the girl had worn on the fourth day out.

Tailor-made. He liked tailor-mades. He liked all her dresses. He

liked her. Had she liked him? So hard to tell if you don’t get a

chance of speaking! She was dark. Arthur liked blondes, Arthur was a

fool! Good old Arthur! Glad he had made a success! Now, he could

marry if he liked! If he wasn’t so restless, if he didn’t feel that

he couldn’t stop more than a day in any place! But would the girl

have him? If they had never spoken, it made it so hard to–

At this point, Jimmy went to sleep.

CHAPTER III

MR. McEACHERN

At about the time when Jimmy’s meditations finally merged themselves

in dreams, a certain Mr. John McEachern, Captain of Police, was

seated in the parlor of his up-town villa, reading. He was a man

built on a large scale. Everything about him was large–his hands,

his feet, his shoulders, his chest, and particularly his jaw, which

even in his moments of calm was aggressive, and which stood out,

when anything happened to ruffle him, like the ram of a battle-ship.

In his patrolman days, which had been passed mainly on the East

side, this jaw of his had acquired a reputation from Park Row to

Fourteenth Street. No gang-fight, however absorbing, could retain

the undivided attention of the young blood of the Bowery when Mr.

McEachern’s jaw hove in sight with the rest of his massive person in

close attendance. He was a man who knew no fear, and he had gone

through disorderly mobs like an east wind.

But there was another side to his character. In fact, that other

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