THE INTRUSION OF JIMMY BY P.G. WODEHOUSE

expression when he held bad cards made bluffing expensive. The

honest joy that bubbled over in his eyes when his hand was good

acted as an efficient danger-signal to his grateful opponents. Two

weeks of poker had led to his writing to his uncle a distressed, but

confident, request for more funds; and the avuncular foot had come

down with a joyous bang. Taking his stand on the evils of gambling,

Sir Thomas had changed the conditions of the money-market for his

nephew with a thoroughness that effectually prevented the

possibility of the youth’s being again caught by the fascinations of

poker. The allowance vanished absolutely; and in its place there

came into being an arrangement. By this, his lordship was to have

whatever money he wished, but he must ask for it, and state why it

was needed. If the request were reasonable, the cash would be

forthcoming; if preposterous, it would not. The flaw in the scheme,

from his lordship’s point of view, was the difference of opinion

that can exist in the minds of two men as to what the words

reasonable and preposterous may be taken to mean.

Twenty pounds, for instance, would, in the lexicon of Sir Thomas

Blunt, be perfectly reasonable for the current expenses of a man

engaged to Molly McEachern, but preposterous for one to whom she had

declined to remain engaged. It is these subtle shades of meaning

that make the English language so full of pitfalls for the

foreigner.

So engrossed was his lordship in his meditations that a voice spoke

at his elbow ere he became aware of Sir Thomas himself, standing by

his side.

“Well, Spennie, my boy,” said the knight. “Time to dress for dinner,

I think. Eh? Eh?”

He was plainly in high good humor. The thought of the distinguished

company he was to entertain that night had changed him temporarily,

as with some wave of a fairy wand, into a thing of joviality and

benevolence. One could almost hear the milk of human kindness

gurgling and splashing within him. The irony of fate! Tonight, such

was his mood, a dutiful nephew could have come and felt in his

pockets and helped himself–if circumstances had been different. Oh,

woman, woman, how you bar us from paradise!

His lordship gurgled a wordless reply, thrusting the fateful letter

hastily into his pocket. He would break the news anon. Soon–not

yet–later on–in fact, anon!

“Up in your part, my boy?” continued Sir Thomas. “You mustn’t spoil

the play by forgetting your lines. That wouldn’t do!”

His eye was caught by the envelope that Spennie had dropped. A

momentary lapse from the jovial and benevolent was the result. His

fussy little soul abhorred small untidinesses.

“Dear me,” he said, stooping, “I wish people would not drop paper

about the house. I cannot endure a litter.” He spoke as if somebody

had been playing hare-and-hounds, and scattering the scent on the

stairs. This sort of thing sometimes made him regret the old days.

In Blunt’s Stores, Rule Sixty-seven imposed a fine of half-a-crown

on employees convicted of paper-dropping.

“I–” began his lordship.

“Why”–Sir Thomas straightened himself–“it’s addressed to you.”

“I was just going to pick it up. It’s–er–there was a note in it.”

Sir Thomas gazed at the envelope again. Joviality and benevolence

resumed their thrones.

“And in a feminine handwriting,” he chuckled. He eyed the limp peer

almost roguishly. “I see, I see,” he said. “Very charming, quite

delightful! Girls must have their little romance! I suppose you two

young people are exchanging love-letters all day. Delightful, quite

delightful! Don’t look as if you were ashamed of it, my boy! I like

it. I think it’s charming.”

Undoubtedly, this was the opening. Beyond a question, his lordship

should have said at this point:

“Uncle, I cannot tell a lie. I cannot even allow myself to see you

laboring under a delusion which a word from me can remove. The

contents of this note are not what you suppose. They run as follows-

-”

What he did say was:

“Uncle, can you let me have twenty pounds?”

Those were his amazing words. They slipped out. He could not stop

them.

Sir Thomas was taken aback for an instant, but not seriously. He

Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97

Leave a Reply 0

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *