God bless you in your effort to create a beautiful family culture. And God bless your family. As I quoted in Chapter 1:
There is a tide in the affairs of men,
Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune;
Omitted, all the voyage of their life
Is bound in shallows and in miseries.
On such a full sea are we now afloat,
And we must take the current when it serves,
Or lose our ventures.
Some of the most cherished moments in my life have come fairly frequently when disembarking a plane. I would see a loving family waiting there for a family member who had been away and was coming home. I would stop and watch and feel. As these loved ones embraced one another, with tears of joy and gratitude and reuniting showing their precious caring and true wealth, my eyes also moistened and my heart longed to come home. They—and I—were all reaffirmed once again in the truth that life is really about coming home.
SHARING THIS CHAPTER WITH ADULTS AND TEENS
Moving to Higher Destinations
Review the material in his chapter. Identify the four levels—survival, stability, success, and significance—and discuss the main characteristics of each level. Ask family members: Where are we as a family? What is our desired destination?
Discuss the statement: “Contributing together as a family not only helps those who benefit from the contribution, but also strengthens the contributing family in the process.”
Review the material in this chapter. Talk together about the idea of being problem minded (foot on the brake) versus being opportunity minded (foot on the gas). Ask family members: How can we remove restraining forces so that driving forces will move us forward?
Leadership in the Family
Review the material that describes the Principle-Centered Family Leadership Tree. Discuss the four leadership roles: modeling, mentoring, organizing, and teaching. Talk about the main characteristics of each role. Ask the following questions: —Why is being trustworthy important to modeling?
—Why is building trust a vital part of mentoring? How can the idea of the Emotional Bank Account help build trust?
—Why does planning and organizing play such a significant role in family influence and leadership? What is the principle of alignment and how is it applied here?
—Why is teaching important in the family? How does the principle of empowerment work?
Discuss the three common mistakes with regard to principle-centered family leadership.
Review the difference between discipline and punishment. You may want to refer back to Habit 4. Ask: How can principle-centered leadership help us discipline without punishing?
Discuss the trim tab factor, letting go, courage, and humility. Talk about how these ideas relate to family guidance and child development.
Consider together: Are we managing or leading in our family? What is the difference?
Discuss the statement: “Whether you realize it or not, you are a leader in your family!” Why is this statement true?
SHARING THIS CHAPTER WITH CHILDREN
“We are kind to others and try to help them”
Discuss the following situations:
Amy asked her dad to help her with her homework. He was tired, but he smiled and helped anyway.
Adam wanted to play with his toy car, but his twin brother was playing with it. Mom asked Adam, “Couldn’t your brother play with it just a little longer?” Ask: What happens when family members are kind and unselfish with one another? How do family members feel?
Write the name of each family member on a slip of paper and put all the slips in a box. Have family members draw names without letting anyone else know whose name they have. Encourage everyone to be kind and helpful toward the person whose name they drew throughout the coming week and to notice how it makes them feel.
Tell the following story: Sammy stood looking out the window, watching the rain pouring down. He heard a crying sound coming from outside. He listened very carefully. He tried to see through the glass, but it was raining too hard to see clearly. He quickly went to the front door and opened it. On the doorstep was a little brown kitten, soaking wet and meowing over and over again. Something inside Sammy swelled up at the sight of that little wet animal. He gently picked up the kitten and felt it shivering. He held the kitten tightly next to his chest and walked into the kitchen. Sammy’s sister put some clean rags in a little box. She dried off the kitten. She put some milk in a saucer. Sammy sat down beside the box and put his hand on the kitten to warm it. It stopped shivering. Sammy felt warm and good. “I’m so glad we heard the kitten,” Sammy said. “Maybe we saved his life.”
Ask family members: How did Sammy feel about the kitten? Responses may include: He felt sorry for it because it was wet and cold. He wanted to be kind and help it. It made him feel good to be kind and want to help.
Share stories from your personal or family experience of times when you or others showed kindness and helped others. Share how it made you feel. Help children think of ways they can help others who are outside the family. Encourage them to follow through during the week. Have them share their feelings.
Involve younger children in service projects that you perform for neighbors, friends, and community. As you model an abundance mentality, your children will grow up to be sharing, contributing adults who truly have an interest in the welfare of others.
NOTES
A Personal Message
1. Commencement address by Barbara Bush to the 1990 graduating class at Wellesley College (Wellesley College Library, Wellesley, Mass.), pp. 4–5.
You’re Going to Be “Off Track” 90 Percent of the Time. So What?
1. Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina (London: Oxford University Press, 1949), p. 1.
2. Governor Michael Leavitt of Utah, presented in a teleconference on the Governor’s Initiative for Families Today, March 1997.
3. Monthly Vital Statistics Report. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services: National Center for Health Statistics, vol. 44, no. 11(S), June 24, 1996.
4. U.S. Bureau of the Census, as published in the Statistical Abstracts of the U.S., October 1996, p. 99.
5. U.S. Bureau of the Census, Current Population Reports, pp. 23–180, and National Center for Health Statistics, Advance Data from Vital and Health Statistics, no. 194.
6. National Center for Health Statistics, Mortality Statistic Branch: Vital Statistics of the U.S.: 1975–1990, vol. 2.
7. U.S. Department of Education, The Condition of Education. The Office of Educational Research and Improvement, 1996.
8. F. Byron Nahser and Susan E. Mehrtens, What’s Really Going On? (Chicago: Corporantes, 1993), p. 12.
9. U.S. Bureau of the Census, Current Population Reports, pp. 23–180, and National Center for Health Statistics, Advance Data from Vital and Health Statistics, No. 194.
10. Congressional Quarterly as cited in William Bennett, Index of Leading Cultural Indicators (New York: Simon & Schuster, 1994), p. 83.
11. U.S. Bureau of the Census, as published in the Statistical Abstracts of the U.S., October 1996, p. 99.
12. Robert G. DeMoss, Jr., Learn to Discern (Grand Rapids, Mich.: Zondervan Publishing House, 1992), pp. 14, 53.
13. Alfred North Whitehead, “The Rhythmic Claims of Freedom and Discipline,” in The Aims of Education and Other Essays (New York: New American Library, 1929), p. 46.
14. Robert Frost, “The Road Not Taken,” in Selected Poems of Robert Frost (New York: Holt, Rinehart, and Winston, 1963), pp. 71–72.
15. William Shakespeare, Julius Caesar (New York: Penguin Books, 1967), act 4, scene 3.
Habit 1: Be Proactive
1. M. Scott Peck, The Road Less Traveled (New York: Simon & Schuster, 1978), p. 83.
2. Questionnaire originally published in Stephen R. Covey, A. Roger Merrill, and Rebecca R. Merrill, First Things First. (New York: Simon & Schuster, 1994), pp. 62–63.
3. The phrase “Know thyself” is traditionally reported to have been given by the oracle at Delphi and was inscribed on the entrance to the temple. See Early Socratic Dialogues/Plato, edited with a general introduction by Trevor J. Saunders (New York: Penguin, 1987).
4. This quote is attributed to Saint Francis of Assisi and has served as an inspiration to thousands through the programs of Alcoholics Anonymous.
5. Glen C. Griffin, M.D., as featured in It Takes a Parent to Raise a Child. Used by permission.
6. Joseph Zinker, “On Public Knowledge and Public Revolution,” as quoted in Leo Buscaglia, Love (New York: Fawcett Crest, 1972), p. 49.
Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind
1. Victor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning (New York: Pocket Books, 1959), p. 98.
2. Benjamin Singer, “The Future-Focused Role-Image,” in Alvin Toffler, Learning for Tomorrow: The Role of the Future in Education (New York: Random House, 1974), pp. 19–32.
3. See Andrew Campbell and Laura Nash, A Sense of Mission (Reading, Mass.: Addison Wesley Longman, 1994). See also James Collins and Jerry Porras, Built to Last: Successful Habits of Visionary Companies (New York: HarperCollins, 1996).