With specific time set aside each week for the family, you can begin to feel more peace of mind. You know that your most important stewardship is attended to. You can more fully give yourself to your family—and to work and other activities as well, because you know that you have time set aside for the things that matter most. And this can all be accomplished with as simple a tool as a wall calendar and a process of regularly meeting together to plan.*
A Time to Teach
We’re also found that family time is a great time to teach basic principles of life. Sandra and I have had some wonderful family times teaching our children the principles behind the 7 Habits.
Sandra:
Some years ago a huge shopping mall complex was being built in the center of Salt Lake City. The intent was to draw people back to the city by providing excellent shopping, theaters, restaurants, and other features. One family night Stephen explained that he had met one of the architects. He said that he had arranged for us to go on the construction site so that the architect could explain to us the details and complexities of such a project.
He took all of us up to the rooftop of an adjacent building where we surveyed the massiveness of this project. We were awed by the size, the planning, the vision, the technology, and the building expertise that went into such a development. The architect explained the concept of beginning with the end in mind. Everything had to be created twice. He had to meet with the owners and builders and other architects, and explain in minute detail the size, floor space, function, design, purpose, and cost of every area.
We watched breathlessly as he scanned each section of the building with a TV monitor while explaining what would be here and what would be there. Then we followed him to a large room where he showed us hundreds and hundreds of blueprints. Some were for the heating and air-conditioning systems. Some were for the interior and exterior lighting. Some were for the staircases, exits, elevators, wiring, cement, columns, windows, sound systems, and so on.
He went on to explain the interior design—the plans for painting, wallpaper, color schemes, flooring, tiles, and ambiance. We were amazed at the detail, forethought, imagination, and planning.
As the sun set, the city became alive with shadows and lights, and we were able to make out landmarks and familiar sites around us. It was then that Stephen and I took the opportunity to talk with the children about how the principle of “begin with the end in mind” applies to the decisions and plans we make in our lives every day.
If we plan to go to college, for example, we must attend school. We must study, prepare for tests, turn in papers, learn to express ourselves in writing, complete the course. If we want to excel in music, we must have the desire and the talent. We must practice. We must give up other things in order to concentrate and progress and improve. To excel in athletics we must develop our natural talents. We must practice and participate in sports camps. We must push ourselves, believe we can do it, sustain injuries, and glory in the wins but learn from the losses. We said that things don’t just happen by chance. You have to envision your goals. Make a blueprint. Count the cost. Pay the price to make it all happen.
That family night gave us a wonderful opportunity to share an important principle with our children. It was a night we will all remember.
Family time is a great time to teach competence in practical matters. One woman related this experience:
One of the family times our children remember the most was when we played a game to teach them some principles of financial management.
We set up several signs in different places in the room that said such things as “Bank,” “Store,” “Credit Card Company,” and “Charity.” Then we gave each of the children some object to represent work they could do to earn money. Our eight-year-old had some hand towels she could fold. Our ten-year-old had a broom to sweep the floor. Everyone had work to do so that they could earn.
When the game began, everyone started to work. After a few minutes we rang a bell, and everyone got “paid.” We gave them each ten dimes for their labor. Then they had to decide what to do with their money. They could put it in the bank. They could donate some to charity. They could buy something at the “store” where we had a lot of bright-colored balloons with the names of different toys and the price written on them. In fact, if they really wanted something badly from the store and didn’t have enough money to buy it, they could go to the credit card company and borrow enough to get it.
We went through the sequence several times: work, earn, spend; work, earn, spend. And then we blew a whistle. “Interest time!” we said. Those who had put money in the bank got money added. Those who had “borrowed” from the credit card company had to pay interest. After several rounds they quickly became convinced that it was much smarter to earn interest than to pay it.
As the game progressed, the children also saw that those who chose to donate to charity were helping to provide food, clothes, and other basic necessities for people throughout the world. And as we popped some of the balloons when the “interest” whistle blew, they also realized that many of the material things we work so hard for and even go into debt for don’t last.
When we’ve asked our children to tell us about family times they remember, this one was at the top of the list. And it’s made a tremendous difference when as grown-ups they’ve received mail containing the empty promise of “buy now, pay later.” Of our four married children, not one of them carries a credit card balance requiring the payment of interest. And the only money they’ve borrowed has been for homes, transportation, and education.
Just think of the difference it’s made to these children to learn some of the basic principles of finance in their home—especially when problems in financial management is one of the major factors linked to divorce.24
Family time is a great time to teach about the family itself. One woman shared this:
One of the best family nights we’ve had was when we brought a new baby home from the hospital. It provided a perfect teaching moment.
We had talked with them about sex on other family nights. We had explained to them that it was an important part of marriage and not something to be treated lightly.
But there in the quiet circle of family love, we were able to say to them, “This is what it’s all about. It’s about the love between a husband and wife. It’s about bringing a new little person into a family where he’ll be loved and cherished and cared for. It’s about the commitment to protect and take care of this little person until he’s grown up and ready to create a family of his own.”
I don’t think there’s anything we could have done that would have touched their hearts more deeply or influenced their attitude more powerfully about intimacy in human relationships.
As you can see, family time provides a wonderful time to teach. And the dramatic change in society makes it even more imperative that we really teach our families in our homes. If we do not teach our children, society will. And they—and we—will live with the results.
A Time to Solve Problems
A woman from Denmark shared this experience:
In our home we have tried to get together almost weekly since our children were small. We have used the meetings for many different purposes. Occasionally these meetings have been the forum for us to lay our cards on the table and tell the kids about struggles in our lives and how we tackle them.
One time my husband lost his job, so we used the time in our family meeting to explain what had happened. We showed them the money we had in the bank, and we explained that it usually took six months to find a new job. We showed them how we needed to divide the money into six groups—one for each month. We divided each month’s money into what would be needed for food, house payment, gas, electricity, and so on.
In this way they could clearly see where the money was going and how little was left. They could have panicked if it wasn’t for the fact that we told them it was going to be a challenge, and we could make it. But we wanted them to see where the money would go. We wanted to avoid breaking their hearts over and over again because we couldn’t afford new clothes or entertainment.