Maria (daughter):
I remember one year inviting Joyce Nelson, an English teacher from Provo High. I was twenty-one at the time. Several of us had had her as our teacher, and we all celebrated her. We each told what she had done for us. When my turn came, I said, “I am an English major today because of you. You influenced me to go into English because of the literature we read and what you said and did.” The teachers who were invited were thrilled because teachers usually don’t get that kind of appreciation.
The dinner table gives you the perfect opportunity to create such a renewing tradition because of the food. As one of our daughters said, “It seems as though many important traditions are surrounded by food, food, food. Food is the key. Everyone loves to have good food.” With good food, good company, and good discussion, the family dinner tradition is hard to beat.
Family Vacations
Relaxation and fun are part of our family mission statement, and I know of no more renewing force in a family than a family vacation. Planning for it, anticipating it, and thinking about it—as well as discussing what happened on our last vacation and laughing about the fun times and the dumb times we had—are enormously renewing to our family. Every few years we plan a very special kind of vacation.
Sandra:
In building traditions I have always felt that it’s important to teach children patriotism. Most children learn the Pledge of Allegiance at an early age. They hold their hands over their hearts when the flag goes by. At parades they hear the bands playing the anthems of the Navy, Air Force, and Army. They learn patriotic songs and perform in programs at school celebrating the Fourth of July. I believe they need to know about the men who died in the wars and fought for the principles they believed in. They need to understand how our country began, how the Constitution was written, and the price that was paid by the men who signed the Declaration of Independence.
For many years we talked about the possibility of going to some of the famous historic sites in Massachusetts, Pennsylvania, and New York, where many of the events of the American Revolution happened: the Old Church in Boston (where the lantern was held in the window telling of the arrival of the British—“One if by land, two if by sea”), the Freedom Trail, the Liberty Bell, the homes of the famous patriots, the hovels and remaining barracks where George Washington mobilized and trained his hungry, frozen army, and Independence Hall (where the Declaration of Independence was signed).
We talked about and planned this trip for many years. Finally, during America’s bicentennial in 1976, we decided to do it. We rented a motor home, and, armed with books, tapes, music, and information, we set forth. I had recently read the book Those Who Love by Irving Stone. It was the love story of John and Abigail Adams and their great sacrifices and contributions during this period of unrest and revolution. I was uplifted and inspired by their patriotism and devotion to this country. I had the teenagers and older children read it also, knowing that they would feel likewise.
We had only a day and a half in Philadelphia, but we planned accordingly. We saw the Liberty Bell and visited the chambers of the Continental Congress. On the lawns outside the building was an outdoor summer theater presenting 1776, the prize-winning musical reenacting the signing of the Declaration of Independence and making us familiar with the roles of the famous men and women involved—including John and Abigail Adams, Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Jefferson and his wife, Martha, Richard Henry Lee, John Hancock, and George Washington.
The program included these inspiring words: “These were not wild-eyed, rabble-rousing ruffians. They were soft-spoken men of means and education—lawyers and jurists, merchants, farmers, and large plantation owners, men of means, well educated. They had security, but they valued liberty more. Standing tall, straight, and unwavering, they pledged: ‘For the support of this declaration with a firm reliance on the protection of the Divine Providence we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes, and our sacred honor.’ They gave us an independent America, and they did sacrifice their lives, their fortunes, and their families.”
The location, the music, and the theater all combined to make this an evening we will never forget. Patriotism burned in our hearts. One son said he wanted to be an architect and build a monument to John and Abigail Adams so that no one would ever forget what they did for us. Another wanted to be a musician and write songs in their honor. We were all changed: inspired, uplifted, patriots forever!
There were moments that made our family vacation wonderful! But I have to say that there were also other moments which were . . . well, less inspiring, to say the least.
We had planned that every morning one of us would drive while the other sat at the table in the motor home with the children, discussing what we would see that day and presenting lessons on important subjects associated with those sights. Our planning was extensive and our spirits high. We were truly psyched for a magnificent four-to-five-week trip around the country.
But in one sense our trip turned out to be the most miserable time we’d ever spent together. Everything that could go wrong did go wrong. Things were constantly breaking down, and we were all mechanical klutzes and could fix nothing. We probably had only one or two of the discussions we’d planned; instead we spent most of our time repairing things that were broken or trying to get other people to fix them during holiday periods when no one wanted to get involved in repairs.
It was July. The weather was hot and humid. The air conditioner and the generator that drove it were constantly breaking down. We were frequently lost, either searching for campgrounds or finding them filled. We often ended up in the back of a service station or in a church parking lot rather than in the trailer court or beautifully appointed campground we had envisioned.
On the Fourth of July, the air conditioner quit entirely. We pulled into a service station to get some help, but the mechanic said, “We don’t work on anything like that, and particularly on a holiday. In fact, I don’t think you’ll find anyplace in town where you can get any help.” The temperature was 100 degrees and the humidity about 98 percent. We were dripping in sweat. Everyone was close to tears.
Then all of a sudden somebody started to laugh. Then everyone started to laugh. And we laughed so hard we couldn’t stop laughing. We have never laughed that much before or since. We asked the man (who undoubtedly thought we were crazy) for directions to the nearest amusement park. He told us which way to go, and we headed out to have some fun.
During the remainder of the trip we saw some interesting historical sites, but in each area we also sought out the local amusement parks. When we headed home, we were better authorities on the amusement parks of America than on the historical sites. In fact, only one morning on the entire trip did we have the kind of family meeting we had dreamed we would have each day. But we had a glorious time—one we will never forget. We came back renewed—physically, socially, and at least somewhat mentally.
It has always amazed Sandra and me that, despite broken air conditioners, flat tires, mosquitoes, forgotten articles of clothing, arguments over who sat where and what we were going to do, hours-late departures, and myriad other complications, those times together are what our family members remember and talk about.
“Boy, didn’t we have fun that year at Six Flags!”
“Remember the time you thought we were lost?”
“I can’t stop laughing when I think about you falling in the creek that year.”
“Do you remember the look on her face when you dropped that hamburger?”
The added social dimension of “family” makes doing everything more exciting and more fun because you have someone special to share it with. In fact, those family bonds are often even more important than the event itself.
Jenny (daughter):
I remember one time when Dad decided he would take me and my little brother camping. Our family has never been big on camping; in fact, we didn’t know anything about it. But he was determined to make it a good experience.
Absolutely everything went wrong. We burned our tinfoil dinners, and it poured rain throughout the night until our tent collapsed and our sleeping bags were soaked clear through. My dad woke us up around 2:00 A.M., and we gathered up our stuff and headed home.
The next day we laughed—and we continue to laugh—about that “miserable” experience. Despite the disasters, it created a sense of bonding. We went through it together, and we had a common experience we could look back on and talk about.