Learning together as a family is more than a tradition, it’s a vital need. It is true in today’s world that “unless you run faster, you will get farther behind” because the pace of life and the growth of technology are incredible. Many products are obsolete the day they appear on the market. The half-life of many professions is only three to four years. That’s startling. It’s scary. That’s why it’s so important for there to be a family tradition and culture that focuses on continual learning.
Worshiping Together
One father shared this:
When I was growing up, it was very important to my parents that we all worship together. At the time I didn’t think it was important. I didn’t understand why they thought it was important. But they did, so we all went to church together and sat together. And I have to admit as young boys we were bored together most of the time.
But as I got older, I began to notice that we were more aligned as a family than was the case with a lot of my friends. We had common values and goals. We relied on one another to solve problems and find answers. We knew what we believed, what we all believed. We were together. And “worship” wasn’t just a matter of once a week in our home. Religion and worship were treated almost as an educational process. We had lessons—formal and informal—where our parents would teach us about what was right and wrong. They would listen as we disagreed, then help us figure things out and find our own answers. But they taught us about values and faith.
In addition, we had little family traditions. For example, we prayed together every evening. It was sometimes grueling to listen to my brothers go on and on. But as I got older I realized how much I learned as I listened to them. I learned what was important to them, what they needed and wanted, what they were afraid of or concerned about. Now that I think about it, I realize that it really drew us all together.
We also prayed and fasted in times of emergency. I remember when my grandma was in the hospital with cancer. A call went out to our entire family—aunts, uncles, and cousins. We all gathered in family prayer and fasted together for her. It gave us strength to be together. And when she passed away, it was wonderful to have everyone near. The unity was overwhelming. And although there were tears and sadness, it was a lovely, strengthening, bonding funeral. I came away from it with a special understanding and appreciation for the full circle of life, from birth to death. And I think the fact that we all share common beliefs made things much more meaningful to us.
Notice how worshiping brought this family together spiritually, mentally, and socially.
George Gallup reports that 95 percent of Americans believe in some form of supreme being or higher power, and that more than ever before, people are feeling the need to reach beyond self-help to find spiritual help.4 Research also clearly shows that worshiping together is one of the major characteristics of healthy, happy families. It can create context, unity, and shared understanding—much in the same way that a family mission statement does.
In addition, studies have shown that religious involvement is a significant factor in mental and emotional health and stability, particularly when individuals are internally motivated. When they are extrinsically motivated—by public approval or conformity, for example—the religious context is not always benevolent. In fact, it sometimes nurtures a culture that is extremely strict and sets unrealistically high expectations, causing people who are emotionally vulnerable to experience even more emotional problems.5
But when the environment is focused on growth based on moral principles rather than on an outward perfectionism that reinforces rule-bound rigidity, people experience greater health. The culture allows for honest recognition of moral imperfections and acceptance of self, even as it encourages acceptance of and living in harmony with the principles that govern in all of life.
C. S. Lewis related his own convictions in squaring his private and public selves in this way:
When I come to my evening prayers and try to reckon up the sins of the day, nine times out of ten the most obvious one is some sin against charity; I have sulked or snapped or sneered or snubbed or stormed. And the excuse that immediately springs to mind is that the provocation was so sudden or unexpected; I was caught off my guard, I had not time to collect myself. . . . Surely what a man does when he is taken off his guard is the best evidence for what sort of man he is. Surely what pops out before the man has time to put on a disguise is the truth. If there are rats in the cellar you are most likely to see them if you go in very suddenly. But the suddenness does not create the rats: it only prevents them from hiding. In the same way the suddenness of the provocation does not make me an ill-tempered man: it only shows me what an ill-tempered man I am. . . . Now that cellar is out of reach of my conscious will. . . . I cannot, by direct moral effort, give myself new motives. After the first few steps . . . we realize that everything which really needs to be done in our souls can be done only by God.6
In our own family, we have found great strength in worshiping together. Through the years we’ve placed a high priority on attending our church services together and supporting one another in working and serving in the church and community. We’ve found that this unites us as a family and also gives us opportunities to work together for something higher than self.
We’ve also tried to hold our own daily devotionals in our home. We try to have some time together for a few minutes each morning to begin our day with a feeling of togetherness and inspiration.
Stephen (son):
As I was growing up, we always had family devotionals in the morning. It was a pattern. Whether we were little kids or high school students, we always got up at 6:00. We’d read together, talk about needs and plans for the day, and have a family prayer. We’d have our blankets and lie down on the couches. There were times that some of us would sleep right through it—until it was our turn to read. It may not have been as effective as it could have been, but we made the effort. And a lot of it sunk in. I think we all learned a lot more than we thought we did.
This tradition, including the daily reading of scriptures and other “wisdom literature,” has been a tremendously renewing tradition for our family. This is something any family can do. Depending on your belief, “wisdom literature” could be anything that connects you with timeless principles. It could be the Bible, the Koran, the Talmud, Native American Wisdom, or the Bhagavad-Gita. It could be James Allen’s As a Man Thinketh, Thoreau’s Walden, or modern collections such as William Bennett’s Book of Virtues or Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen’s Chicken Soup for the Soul. It could be inspiring autobiographies or anthologies, insightful essays, or uplifting stories—whatever addresses the principles and values you believe in.7
The point is that if you organize your family life to spend even ten or fifteen minutes a morning reading something that connects you with these timeless principles, it’s almost guaranteed that you will make better choices during the day—in the family, on the job, in every dimension of life. Your thoughts will be higher. Your interactions will be more satisfying. You will have a greater perspective. You will increase that space between what happens to you and your response to it. You will be more connected to what really matters most.
You will also be more connected to your family. This can be a great time to get in touch with the needs of each person for that day—whether someone is taking a test or has an important assignment to get or a presentation to give. It enables you to start your day renewing the relationships that matter most.
Daily devotionals can provide tremendous spiritual, social, and mental renewal. And if you want to add the physical dimension, you can always do a few sit-ups, go for a walk, or take up tai chi. Whatever you choose to include, you’ll find that mornings are a great time for family renewal. It’s an incredibly wonderful way to start your day.
Working Together
One man shared this:
One of my most vivid memories of growing up was working beside my father in our garden. When he first suggested the idea, my brother and I were excited. At that time we didn’t realize that it would translate into spending hours in the backyard in the hot sun, shovel in hand, digging and getting blisters and doing a lot of other things you don’t necessarily associate with fun.