4. Benjamin Franklin, “Franklin’s Formula for Successful Living—Number Three,” The Art of Virtue (Eden Prairie, Minn.: Acorn Publications, 1986), p. 88.
Habit 3: Put First Things First
1. Rabindranath Tagore, 101 Poems (New York: Asia Publishing House, 1966).
2. Mary Pipher, The Shelter of Each Other (New York: Grosset/Putnam Books, 1996).
3. Ibid., pp. 194–195.
4. Urie Bronfenbrenner as quoted in Susan Byrne’s interview, “Nobody Home: The Erosion of the American Family,” Psychology Today, May 1977, pp. 41–47.
5. John Greenleaf Whittier, Maud Muller (New York: Houghton, Mifflin, 1866).
6. Robert G. DeMoss, Jr., Learn to Discern (Grand Rapids, Mich.: Zondervan Publishing House, 1992), p. 52.
7. Ibid., p. 14.
8. Arlie R. Hochschild, The Time Bind (New York: Metropolitan Books, 1997).
9. United States Supreme Court, Zablocki v. Redhail, no. 76-879; January 1978.
10. Wendell Berry, Sex, Economy, Freedom, and Community: Eight Essays (New York: Pantheon Books, 1993), pp. 125, 137–139.
11. Ibid., p. 139.
12. Betsy Morris, review of Arlie R. Hochschild, The Time Bind, in Fortune, May 1997.
13. U.S. Department of Commerce, Bureau of the Census, “Current Population Reports,” 1994.
14. Eve Arnold, “In God We Trust: Testing Personal Faith in a Cynical Age,” U.S. News & World Report, April 4, 1994, p. 56.
15. John Robinson and Geoffrey Godbey, Time for Life (Pennsylvania State University Press) as reviewed in Newsweek, May 12, 1997, p. 69.
16. Marilyn Ferguson, The Aquarian Conspiracy: Personal and Social Transformation in the 1980’s (New York: St. Martin’s Press, 1980), p. 356.
17. Quoted from a speech given by author Stanley M. Davis at a conference in Asia in which we both participated.
18. U.S. Department of Justice, Strengthening America’s Families: Promising Parenting and Family Strategies for Delinquency Prevention (Office of Justice Programs, 1992).
19. Alexander Pope, The Best of Pope (New York: The Ronald Press Co., 1940), pp. 131–132.
20. Attributed to scholar, researcher, and psychologist Victor Cline.
21. Edward Gibbon, The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire, in Great Works of the Western World, vol. 37–38 (Chicago: Encyclopedia Britannica, 1990).
22. F. Byron Nahser and Susan E. Mehrtens, What’s Really Going On? (Chicago: Corporantes, 1993), p. 11.
23. William Doherty, The Intentional Family: How to Build Family Ties in Our Modern World (New York: Addison-Wesley, 1997), p. 10.
24. Patricia Voydanoff, “Economic Distress and Family Relations: A Review of the Eighties,” Journal of Marriage and the Family, 52 (November 1990), p. 1102. See also Lynn K. White, “Determinants of Divorce: A Review of Research in the Eighties,” Journal of Marriage and the Family, 52 (November 1990), p. 908.
25. This quote is attributed to both John Glenn and Neil Armstrong.
26. James B. Stockdale, A Vietnam Experience: Ten Years of Reflection (Stanford: Hoover Institution, Stanford University, 1984), p. 94.
Habit 4: Think “Win-Win”
1. J. S. Kirtley and Edward Bok, Half Hour Talks on Character Building by Self-Made Men and Women (Chicago: A. Hemming, 1910), p. 368.
2. Michael Novak, “The Family Out of Favor,” Harper’s Magazine, April 1976, pp. 39, 42.
3. Catherine Johnson, Lucky in Love: The Secrets of Happy Couples and How Their Marriages Thrive (New York: Viking Penguin, 1992).
4. Frederick Herzberg, Work and the Nature of Man (New York: World Publishing Co., 1966), pp. 71–91.
Habit 5: Seek First to Understand . . . Then to Be Understood
1. The books and authors mentioned here are as follows:
Deborah Tannen, You Just Don’t Understand: Men and Women in Conversation (New York: Ballantine Books, 1990).
John Gray, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus (New York: HarperCollins, 1992).
Carl Rogers, On Becoming a Person (Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 1961).
Thomas Gordon, Parent Effectiveness Training (New York: New American Library, 1975).
Haim Ginott, Between Parent and Child (New York: Macmillan, 1970). See also
Haim Ginott, Between Parent and Teenager (New York: Macmillan, 1969).
2. Gordon B. Hinckley, “What God Hath Joined Together,” Ensign, May 1991, p. 72.
3. C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity (New York: Macmillan, 1952), pp. 109–10.
4. Note: Many helpful informational pamphlets can be found through your local health department, your doctor’s office, or the government. Also, we recommend the following as excellent references for those wanting to know more:
Arlene Eisenberg, Heidi E. Murkoff, and Sandee E. Hathaway, What to Expect the First Year (New York: Workman Publishing, 1989).
________. What to Expect the Toddler Years (New York: Workman Publishing, 1994).
Penelope Leach, Your Baby and Child (New York: Knopf Publishing, 1989).
T. Berry Brazelton, Touchpoints (Reading, Mass.: Addison Wesley Longman Publishing, 1992).
Habit 6: Synergize
1. Victor Cline, How to Make Your Child a Winner (New York: Walker and Company, 1980), pp. 216–226, and Victor Cline, Roger Croft, and Steven Courrier, “Desensitization of Children to Television Violence,” Journal of Personal and Social Psychology, vol. 27 (3), September 1973, pp. 360–63.
2. See Larry Tucker, “The Relationship of Television Viewing to Physical Fitness,” Adolescence, vol. 21 (89), 1986, pp. 797–806.
3. See Report on Television and Behavior by the National Institute of Mental Health (Washington, D.C., 1982). See also Susan Newman, “The Home Environment and Fifth Grade Students’ Leisure Reading,” Elementary School Journal, January 1988, vol. 86 (3), pp. 335–43.
4. Ibid., Report on Television and Behavior.
Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw
1. Richard L. Evans, Richard Evans’ Quote Book (Salt Lake City: Publishers Press, 1971), p. 16.
2. Marianne Jennings, “Kitchen Table Vital to Family Life,” Deseret News, February 9, 1997. Reprinted with permission.
3. Dale Johnson, “Sex Differences in Reading Across Cultures,” Reading Research Quarterly, vol. 9 (1), 1973.
4. CNN/USA Today/Gallup Poll (Princeton, N.J., December 16–18, 1994).
5. David G. Myers, The Pursuit of Happiness (New York: William Morrow & Company, 1992), pp. 177–204.
6. C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity (New York: Macmillan, 1976), pp. 164–65.
7. You might want to read the following:
Frank Walters, Book of the Hopi (New York: Ballantine, 1963).
James Allen, As a Man Thinketh (Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1983).
Henry David Thoreau, Walden (New York: Carlton House, 1940).
William Bennett, The Book of Virtues (New York: Simon & Schuster, 1993).
Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen, Chicken Soup for the Soul (Deerfield Beach, Fla.: Health Communications, 1993).
From Survival . . . to Stability . . . to Success . . . to Significance
1. Kurt Lewin, Field Theory in Special Science (New York: Harper, 1951), p. 183.
2. W. Edwards Deming, Out of the Crisis (Cambridge: Massachusetts Institute of Technology, 1982), pp. 66–67.
3. Urie Bronfenbrenner, as quoted in Susan Byrne’s interview, “Nobody Home: The Erosion of the American Family,” Psychology Today, May 1977, pp. 41–47. See also a study by E. E. Maccoby and J. A. Martin, “Socialization in the Context of the Family: Parent—Child Interaction,” in P. H. Mussen (ed.), Handbook of Child Psychology, vol. 4 (New York: John Wiley, 1983), pp. 1–101.
4. Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love (New York: HarperCollins, 1992), p. 165.
5. The Complete Poems and Plays of T. S. Eliot (London: Faber and Faber, 1969), p. 197.
6. Albert E. N. Gray, “The Common Denominator of Success,” a speech given at the Prudential Insurance Company of America (Newark, New Jersey, 1983).
GLOSSARY
Abundance mentality: The view that there is more than enough to go around for everybody.
Agent of change: A person who brings about change in a relationship or situation.
Big rocks: Those activities that are the most important priorities in our lives.
Circle of Concern: All matters that a person or family is concerned about.
Circle of Influence: Those things that a person or family can directly impact.
Compass: A person’s internal guidance system consisting both of principles and the four human gifts.
Conscience: An inner sense of what is right and wrong.
Driving force: Something that motivates, excites, and inspires us and our family.
Effective family: A nurturing, learning, enjoyable, contributing, and interdependent family.
Emotional Bank Account: The amount of trust or the quality of a relationship with others.
Entropy: The tendency for things to deteriorate or fall apart.
Faithful translator: One capable of truly reflecting the content and feeling of another’s comments.
Family culture: The climate, character, spirit, feeling, and atmosphere of the home and family.
Family mission statement: A combined, unified expression from all family members of what the family is all about, what family members want to do and be, and the principles that will guide the family’s flight plan.
Family time: Weekly time set aside to be together as a family.
Four human gifts: See Self-awareness, Conscience, Imagination, and Independent will.
Framework/Paradigm: Our perspective or map or the way we think about and see things.
Habit: An established pattern or way of thinking and doing things.
Imagination: The ability to visualize something in our mind beyond the present reality.
Independent will: The ability to choose and act on our own inner imperatives and determinations.
Inside-out: Initiating change by changing self rather than trying to change others.
Leadership Influence: See Modeling, Mentoring, Organizing, and Teaching.
Mentoring: Relating to another individual in a one-on-one, personal, and helpful way.
Modeling: Setting a principle-based pattern for another person to follow.